ABOUT Sara Niles

I write to make a difference, therefore my writing is mission oriented and imbued with a deeper purpose because of my traumatic life experiences. I write primarily nonfiction that exemplifies mans inhumanity to man, focusing of the triumphant human spirit within us all.

In Torn From the Inside Out, I call this "The power of the human spirit under fire".

Everyone wants to be happy, and everyone wants to be free; yet, suffering abounds worldwide. The injustice of man against man, is no where more unjust than in the home, where brutality abounds through domestic violence. Domestic Violence must be stopped, and if not stopped, at least, slowed. In any case, it must be fought. We were all born free with the right to happiness.

"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains" Jean Jacques Rousseau

My memoir, Torn From the Inside Out, is a testament to the power of the human spirit under fire.

The Effects of Dysfunction and Domestic Violence are both primary, and secondary in nature, and for many, last a lifetime.

The internal pain caused by childhood abuse, becomes externalized through the triple threats of mental illness, trauma issues, and damaging addictions. I call this triple effect the 'Three Headed Monster'.

Hardback edition of Torn From the Inside Out:

Barnes and Noble


Other editions available via Amazon, Createspace, Smashwords , Kobo, and many others. Simply search Sara Niles.

The Face of Dysfunction

Dysfunction Within Families Breeds Dysfunction

Stopping dysfunction in its original form will prevent generational impact that affects individuals, families and society as a whole.

I spent thousands of hours examining people's lives under the microscope of counseling and I continue to see repetitions of the same underlying themes in almost every family. Healthy families beget healthy families and sick families beget families with many of the same sick dysfunctions that they experienced as children. Young boys and girls whose family role models were womanizers or man-users usually womanize or abuse and dispose of men, those whose models drank, usually have a substance abuse problem and those who grew up with hurt, pain, and abuse, usually inflict it upon their families in the same measure, over fifty percent of the time, or they may invariably find a partner who inflicts pain upon them. There are a rare few who escape this repetitive cycle, even though they were raised in it, but they are the exception. Many will marry the negative image of their parent or their opposite in an attempt to recreate what 'love' felt like and looked like to them as a child.

No matter how the child interprets it, when the family model is corrupted then the copy is corrupted. A very wise man that I greatly admired and who was a teacher and trainer once said there was a grandmother who baked a turkey with the edges cut off and both her daughters and granddaughters also baked their turkeys with the edges cut off. When someone asked the granddaughter why she baked her turkey with the edges cut off, she replied because her mother did it that way. When the mother was asked, she replied 'because my mother did it that way' and when the grandmother was asked, she said that she always had a pan that was too small for the turkey so she started trimming the edges so it would fit into the pan.

Dysfunction only needs to operate the first time, the rest will follow. We need to stop dysfunction where it starts in the first family, with the first children. If dysfunction by chance escapes detection, then stop it where you find it.

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Power and Jodi Arias

The famous Power and Control Model of Abuse was initially framed to fit the pattern of male abusers who abuse female partners; and as a result, the model tends to be gender skewed. In real life examples, such as the case of Jodi Arias, some of the components have been shifted, but the same power and control dynamic is still obvious. Jodi Arias is addicted to power and control; whether through force or emotional manipulation, the motive remains unchanged. Abusers of both genders must feel like they are in control adn Jodi Arias is no different.

Jodi felt she was able to control Travis via sex and catering his ego; but when she realized he had actually left her, she engaged a killing rage and slaughtered him.
The 'Leaving' stage of a potentially violent relationship is always the most dangerous stage. It is not the first trip of the average of 7 times that an abuse victim 'leaves' that gets the abuser really mad, and if he or she is a killer-ignites the killing rage-it is the last time they leave. The most dangerous time is when the abuser knows for sure that it is absolutely, and finally over for good-that there is nothing he or she can do to stop the abandonment by their former lover--it is that time that is the most dangerous and sometimes, the time that turns deadly.

The actual act of physically leaving, it not the most important dynamic in the pattern of violent abusers, but it is the ‘leaving’ the relationship via whatever form that ‘leaving’ takes, that is the trigger to violence. In the case of Jodi Arias, she 'left' as a warning when she moved away; reflective of Travis’s emotionally threatening to leave her. This was her way of saying, you are about to leave me, see how it feels-I will act as though I am gone and you will panic and want me back. I will make sure I stay connected via sex on the phone- I will drive you crazy with desire...and you will want me back. 

The power was still in Jodi's hands, as long as she called the plays.
At least, so she thought. The realization that her power of Travis Alexander was moot, came when Jodi made the final determining trip to Travis Alexander’s home, only to discover that even after sex and photos; nothing had changed. Travis had left her, abandoned her, leaving her hopes of having control of him forever crushed. The words Travis Alexander spoke to Jodi Arias, before his murder, may never be known, but the weight of his words to Jodi, carried the burden of his death sentence.

The killing rage of Jodi Arias took over, and she annihilated him. In Jodi's mind-the power was still hers. When the jury said they in effect did not believe her lies and the world waited to see if she would receive the death penalty under Arizona law, Jodi once again, was in danger of feeling robbed of her power....unless...unless she called the plays and chose the death penalty for herself.

Last bid for power:
"I want to die" she said within minutes of the verdict; leading a rational person to think that she chose her responses in advance-to stay one step ahead of the world. 
To Jodi Arias, power is more important than justice, or even her own life. The behavior of Jodi Arias fits the distorted illusion of an individual who feels the only way they want to live in the world is if they can control it.