“Your
Smiles Lies, I can See It in Your Eyes” (Sara Niles)
The word narcissism and its component designations,
Narcissistic Traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder, are official mental
health terms that are incorporated into the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual,
including the latest revision number V (2013). Although the term Narcissist has
become common, most people who use the term do not fully understand it. In
simple terms narcissism is different from ‘selfishness’ in general because it
crosses the line of normalcy into pathology, meeting a standard of
behavior over time. The personality disorder known as NPD (narcissistic
personality disorder) is more common than most realize, therefore, you and I, know
someone who is a narcissist, from relatives to friends and co-workers, we
are all exposed to narcissism in some form or type.
Narcissism
exists on a continuum and is divided into subtypes, all sharing common traits
among them, exhibited to different degrees. The Overt and Covert distinction
separates the two most obvious distinctions: the overt narcissist is easier to identify,
while the covert is difficult to recognize, like a snake in the grass. It is
likely you may have lived with a covert narcissist for decades before realizing
what they were.
The
Narcissist has an empty core they fill with self-created lies, and an ugly soul
they hide behind a mask in which they fake normal behavior instead of genuinely
feeling honest emotions. The fully developed narcissist can steal from you,
while smiling in your face, by using exploitation and manipulation to convince
you of their devotion, preying on your sympathy, while plotting your ruination
or demise.
Entitled,
Controlling, Manipulative, Devious, Takers who Lack Empathy and seldom do
anything unless it improves their image, increases their power, enhances their
wealth, status, or position in life. When it is time to put on the mask, they
are the most loving and considerate people imaginable, but it is only an act, a
temporary persona that is like a wisp of wind that quickly fades once they have
what they want, leaving you confused.
Some
things about them makes you wonder: they are hypocrites who require you to
follow rules they refuse to follow, they are inconsistent, they love bomb you,
then act as though you do not matter, they blame you for what they did, then
lavish attention on you. The psychological tools they use include Stonewalling, Gaslighting, Manipulation, feigned
amnesia, recreating history, refusal to validate your point, twisting the facts,
destroying your credibility, alienation of family and friends, sabotaging finances,
creating chaos in the middle of your peace, ruining holidays, insistence on
urgent responses, and making you feel less-than to bolster their sense of
superiority. They envy your success and covet what you have, so they seldom
pretend to share in your nostalgic reflections, they excuse themselves from
family events unless they are the center of attention, they use their own
children as ‘props’ to project an image, alienating them from others, and are
intolerant of mistakes, although expect tolerance of theirs.
Unlike
the overt narcissist who is often loud and bombastic, the covert narcissist
plays by the rules as they quietly hide behind a subtle subterfuge, tailored to
mirror exactly what is expected of them. The covert narcissist hides in plain
sight and can be detected by intuition more than tangible behaviors, you sense
them more than ‘see’ them, as you walk on eggshells, catering to their volatile
moods, and fragile egos. An aura of brokenness may precipitate grandiosity that
erupts out of nowhere, a combination that seems incompatible with normal
behavior. Something is wrong with them, you may think you spend years enabling
them, protecting them from themselves only to discover they were typical
narcissists using your vulnerability against you.
The
extreme range of narcissism includes psychopaths, murderers, family
annihilators, who hold lifelong grudges and are filled with rage.
They
are our parents, sons and daughters, aunts, uncles, friends, and co-workers
because every narcissist has someone, your narcissist, and mine.
Taken from Prologue: Your Narcissist and Mine by Sara Niles
No comments:
Post a Comment