ABOUT Sara Niles

I write to make a difference, therefore my writing is mission oriented and imbued with a deeper purpose because of my traumatic life experiences. I write primarily nonfiction that exemplifies mans inhumanity to man, focusing of the triumphant human spirit within us all.

In Torn From the Inside Out, I call this "The power of the human spirit under fire".

Everyone wants to be happy, and everyone wants to be free; yet, suffering abounds worldwide. The injustice of man against man, is no where more unjust than in the home, where brutality abounds through domestic violence. Domestic Violence must be stopped, and if not stopped, at least, slowed. In any case, it must be fought. We were all born free with the right to happiness.

"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains" Jean Jacques Rousseau

My memoir, Torn From the Inside Out, is a testament to the power of the human spirit under fire.

The Effects of Dysfunction and Domestic Violence are both primary, and secondary in nature, and for many, last a lifetime.

The internal pain caused by childhood abuse, becomes externalized through the triple threats of mental illness, trauma issues, and damaging addictions. I call this triple effect the 'Three Headed Monster'.

Hardback edition of Torn From the Inside Out:

Barnes and Noble

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/torn-from-the-inside-out-sara-niles/

Other editions available via Amazon, Createspace, Smashwords , Kobo, and many others. Simply search Sara Niles.

The Face of Dysfunction

Dysfunction Within Families Breeds Dysfunction

Stopping dysfunction in its original form will prevent generational impact that affects individuals, families and society as a whole.

I spent thousands of hours examining people's lives under the microscope of counseling and I continue to see repetitions of the same underlying themes in almost every family. Healthy families beget healthy families and sick families beget families with many of the same sick dysfunctions that they experienced as children. Young boys and girls whose family role models were womanizers or man-users usually womanize or abuse and dispose of men, those whose models drank, usually have a substance abuse problem and those who grew up with hurt, pain, and abuse, usually inflict it upon their families in the same measure, over fifty percent of the time, or they may invariably find a partner who inflicts pain upon them. There are a rare few who escape this repetitive cycle, even though they were raised in it, but they are the exception. Many will marry the negative image of their parent or their opposite in an attempt to recreate what 'love' felt like and looked like to them as a child.

No matter how the child interprets it, when the family model is corrupted then the copy is corrupted. A very wise man that I greatly admired and who was a teacher and trainer once said there was a grandmother who baked a turkey with the edges cut off and both her daughters and granddaughters also baked their turkeys with the edges cut off. When someone asked the granddaughter why she baked her turkey with the edges cut off, she replied because her mother did it that way. When the mother was asked, she replied 'because my mother did it that way' and when the grandmother was asked, she said that she always had a pan that was too small for the turkey so she started trimming the edges so it would fit into the pan.

Dysfunction only needs to operate the first time, the rest will follow. We need to stop dysfunction where it starts in the first family, with the first children. If dysfunction by chance escapes detection, then stop it where you find it.

Thursday, December 19, 2013

The Many Faces of Religion: excerpt from The Journey by Sara Niles



The Journey is a narrative memoir of the life of Sara Niles and her children after having fled abuse. Niles includes the context of world events and social issues within the narrative of their lives from 1987-2011; the following is an excerpt that demonstrates the power and influence of religion in individual lives:

Excerpt

Chapter 8

The Many Faces of Religion

Throughout history, every nation and village system in the world, has used religious gatherings to form social circles and networks among neighbors. I grew up in the southern United States, deep in the Bible Belt where country churches were the bulwarks of the communities. It did not matter what the local issue of the day was, church was where the meetings took place and the people gathered.

It takes a wise person to be able to judge situations from all sides,  and to see them multi-dimensionally, and to be able to do this perpetually: in fact perhaps it takes special genius to do so. At that time in our lives, I did not possess the genius necessary to judge where the boundaries that limited my children’s freedoms should be. I lacked the balance needed to use religion wisely.  Religion was a vital and powerful force, which can be as useful as it can be dangerous, if not used in a balanced way. Karl Marx once said, “Religion is the sigh of the oppressed creature… It is the opium of the people”, and though this famous saying has angered many a religious soul, it is a true statement nevertheless. Too much religion can indeed be like a drug of escape, for those who are trying to avoid the realities of a ‘dangerous’ world. Just as I found my way into religion as I perceived it at the time, I would find my way again. My children were simply my followers until they developed stronger wills of their own, and would then be free to chart their own paths in life.