ABOUT Sara Niles

I write to make a difference, therefore my writing is mission oriented and imbued with a deeper purpose because of my traumatic life experiences. I write primarily nonfiction that exemplifies mans inhumanity to man, focusing of the triumphant human spirit within us all.

In Torn From the Inside Out, I call this "The power of the human spirit under fire".

Everyone wants to be happy, and everyone wants to be free; yet, suffering abounds worldwide. The injustice of man against man, is no where more unjust than in the home, where brutality abounds through domestic violence. Domestic Violence must be stopped, and if not stopped, at least, slowed. In any case, it must be fought. We were all born free with the right to happiness.

"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains" Jean Jacques Rousseau

My memoir, Torn From the Inside Out, is a testament to the power of the human spirit under fire.

The Effects of Dysfunction and Domestic Violence are both primary, and secondary in nature, and for many, last a lifetime.

The internal pain caused by childhood abuse, becomes externalized through the triple threats of mental illness, trauma issues, and damaging addictions. I call this triple effect the 'Three Headed Monster'.

Hardback edition of Torn From the Inside Out:

Barnes and Noble

http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/torn-from-the-inside-out-sara-niles/

Other editions available via Amazon, Createspace, Smashwords , Kobo, and many others. Simply search Sara Niles.

The Face of Dysfunction

Dysfunction Within Families Breeds Dysfunction

Stopping dysfunction in its original form will prevent generational impact that affects individuals, families and society as a whole.

I spent thousands of hours examining people's lives under the microscope of counseling and I continue to see repetitions of the same underlying themes in almost every family. Healthy families beget healthy families and sick families beget families with many of the same sick dysfunctions that they experienced as children. Young boys and girls whose family role models were womanizers or man-users usually womanize or abuse and dispose of men, those whose models drank, usually have a substance abuse problem and those who grew up with hurt, pain, and abuse, usually inflict it upon their families in the same measure, over fifty percent of the time, or they may invariably find a partner who inflicts pain upon them. There are a rare few who escape this repetitive cycle, even though they were raised in it, but they are the exception. Many will marry the negative image of their parent or their opposite in an attempt to recreate what 'love' felt like and looked like to them as a child.

No matter how the child interprets it, when the family model is corrupted then the copy is corrupted. A very wise man that I greatly admired and who was a teacher and trainer once said there was a grandmother who baked a turkey with the edges cut off and both her daughters and granddaughters also baked their turkeys with the edges cut off. When someone asked the granddaughter why she baked her turkey with the edges cut off, she replied because her mother did it that way. When the mother was asked, she replied 'because my mother did it that way' and when the grandmother was asked, she said that she always had a pan that was too small for the turkey so she started trimming the edges so it would fit into the pan.

Dysfunction only needs to operate the first time, the rest will follow. We need to stop dysfunction where it starts in the first family, with the first children. If dysfunction by chance escapes detection, then stop it where you find it.

Thursday, February 6, 2014

Being Black in America: From Twelve Years a Slave and Beyond By Sara Niles

Being Black in America: From Twelve Years a Slave and Beyond
By Sara Niles

In the year 1988, Peggy McIntosh published a landmark essay on ‘white male privilege and white privilege in general, that provided a revolutionary view of what most White people expected  as a result of  simply being born ‘White’ or Caucasian: The title was White Privilege: Unpacking the Invisible Backpack

The reason this paper was such an illuminating essay in 1988, was because it caused people to take a second look as the way races viewed not only each other, but how White people viewed the world. In the essay, it was revealed that a White person learned to expect to be treated a certain way simply because he or she was White; for example. McIntosh stated that these perceptions and privileges were both “denied and protected” by those who enjoyed them, and that those protected privileges were the total opposites of those of minority races; that being White was not listed as a defining characteristic of an entire race, and the White race was used as the ‘In’ group to provide the standard for those of the ‘out’ groups or races. Even in the year 2014, the word ‘minority’ is applied to most races that are non-White, and ethnic groups and racial distinctions leave out Whites, with the presumption that the majority sets the standard that needs no definition or label.

It is now 2014, over twenty-five years since McIntosh wrote about White privilege, and six years since Barak Obama, the first Black president of the United States, was sworn into office. The racial landscape has changed drastically during the past couple of decades, and will continue to evolve and change; which leads to a question that is becoming more prominent: What does it mean to be Black in America now?

In 1988, being Black in America meant that you suffered the delayed reaction of a culture that was born during the times of blatant racial prejudices and injustice, a time when the era of Integration of the schools was a fresh memory in the minds of many who lived it firsthand (me included). There were many who still held beliefs that Blacks were inferior, less intelligent, less courageous and less handsome or beautiful than their fair skinned and light haired contemporaries; in fact, I remember when Sidney Poitier and Cicely Tyson broke through many of the preconceived stereotypes of what Blacks could and could not do. I remember when Diahanne Carrol was first considered ‘beautiful’ by the standard of White America; and I also remember when the supermodel arena first opened the doors of its perception wide enough to see the beauty of Black female models who ranged from light caramel in complexion, as in Super Model Tyra Banks, to an ever increasingly dark hue of brownness  until  Sudanese born British model, Alex Wek was pronounced ‘beautiful’, and graced the covers of countless magazines. By now, it was 1995, and the racial climate in America had undergone an extensive degree of change toward being the progressive nation that it has been destined to be, since our forefathers said “every man is …equal”-but we are not there yet. There is still work to be done before the dark shadow of American slavery and its years of ugliness, has been removed.
The last frontier: The Black Man in America, and how he is viewed, is now front and center. The killing of Trayvon Martin presented a hint of leftover stereotypical fear-because if you changed the scenario of the teenaged Black child innocently taking a shortcut home through a White neighborhood, for a blond haired White child doing exactly the same thing, at the same time and in the same place-it would almost assuredly have produced a different result, from the reaction of George Zimmerman to the judgment of the jury. The national perception is still slightly tainted against the idea of the ‘scary’ Black man; especially if he happens to be ‘dark’ complexioned, with a hint of Africa, the birthplace of the world, apparent in his coloring.

I just watched the movie Twelve Years a Slave, an adaption of the 1853 memoir of Solomon Northup, an intense account of man’s inhumanity against man, and a historical time of grave injustices against all men born of color, especially those born Black; and I was driven to reflect upon the changing standards by which America deems one human’s life to be just as valuable, or equal to that of another. I remembered Peggy McIntosh landmark work on White Privilege, and realized it has a match in the Black Man’s lack of automatic privilege; although the scene of racial equality has drastically changed for the better, the view of the Black Man in America, still needs work. Until we can see all humans as merely humans, not as a Red Human or a Green One, and measure all people by the same standards, as good or bad. Intelligent or beautiful, there is work to do yet.

Top Ten Black Supermodels: