ABOUT Sara Niles

I write to make a difference, therefore my writing is mission oriented and imbued with a deeper purpose because of my traumatic life experiences. I write primarily nonfiction that exemplifies mans inhumanity to man, focusing of the triumphant human spirit within us all.

In Torn From the Inside Out, I call this "The power of the human spirit under fire".

Everyone wants to be happy, and everyone wants to be free; yet, suffering abounds worldwide. The injustice of man against man, is no where more unjust than in the home, where brutality abounds through domestic violence. Domestic Violence must be stopped, and if not stopped, at least, slowed. In any case, it must be fought. We were all born free with the right to happiness.

"Man is born free, and everywhere he is in chains" Jean Jacques Rousseau

My memoir, Torn From the Inside Out, is a testament to the power of the human spirit under fire.

The Effects of Dysfunction and Domestic Violence are both primary, and secondary in nature, and for many, last a lifetime.

The internal pain caused by childhood abuse, becomes externalized through the triple threats of mental illness, trauma issues, and damaging addictions. I call this triple effect the 'Three Headed Monster'.

Hardback edition of Torn From the Inside Out:

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Other editions available via Amazon, Createspace, Smashwords , Kobo, and many others. Simply search Sara Niles.

The Face of Dysfunction

Dysfunction Within Families Breeds Dysfunction

Stopping dysfunction in its original form will prevent generational impact that affects individuals, families and society as a whole.

I spent thousands of hours examining people's lives under the microscope of counseling and I continue to see repetitions of the same underlying themes in almost every family. Healthy families beget healthy families and sick families beget families with many of the same sick dysfunctions that they experienced as children. Young boys and girls whose family role models were womanizers or man-users usually womanize or abuse and dispose of men, those whose models drank, usually have a substance abuse problem and those who grew up with hurt, pain, and abuse, usually inflict it upon their families in the same measure, over fifty percent of the time, or they may invariably find a partner who inflicts pain upon them. There are a rare few who escape this repetitive cycle, even though they were raised in it, but they are the exception. Many will marry the negative image of their parent or their opposite in an attempt to recreate what 'love' felt like and looked like to them as a child.

No matter how the child interprets it, when the family model is corrupted then the copy is corrupted. A very wise man that I greatly admired and who was a teacher and trainer once said there was a grandmother who baked a turkey with the edges cut off and both her daughters and granddaughters also baked their turkeys with the edges cut off. When someone asked the granddaughter why she baked her turkey with the edges cut off, she replied because her mother did it that way. When the mother was asked, she replied 'because my mother did it that way' and when the grandmother was asked, she said that she always had a pan that was too small for the turkey so she started trimming the edges so it would fit into the pan.

Dysfunction only needs to operate the first time, the rest will follow. We need to stop dysfunction where it starts in the first family, with the first children. If dysfunction by chance escapes detection, then stop it where you find it.

Thursday, October 23, 2014

Hoarding: One of the Strangest of Human Behaviors

When I was growing up on a farm, hearing the term ‘Your room looks like a pigsty’,  brought to mind the muddy slop that I knew our pigs loved to wallow in. I knew most animals liked to keep their living areas clean, so the pig was different in its propensity toward filth and slop. Humans are a step above animals so most take great care to keep their surrounding clean and organized, and it is good not only for practical reasons, but a clean environment is a reflection of a person’s love and respect for self, family and others. Hoarders are of an entirely different breed, some have a mysterious and compulsive need to surround themselves with stuff, sometimes filthy, rotten stuff.
One of the most extreme cases was that of the Collyer brothers, Homer and Langley, from the 1940’s, who hoarded up a four story brownstone in Harlem, both sons of an opera singer and a doctor. The hoard was developed after the death of the brother’s parents, as both discontinued normal life as the hoarding took over. Both brothers were educated professionals when the hoarding began, and both died buried deep within the tightly hoarded building.

Hoarding can be either ‘clean’ and organized or filthy and disorganized, presenting extreme biohazard risks to the hoarder and those who live with, or near them.  Many hoarders are intelligent people, and many have extensive resources, which further confounds the mystery of why a person would hoard.
According to Mayo Clinic, there is no clear understanding of why hoarders hoard, although there are signs and risk factors: