How I Know
I have survived the most dysfunctional type of
early beginning as a small child, and after a short hiatus spent with elderly
relatives, I was once again thrown into even worse dysfunction as a teenager.
In short, fifty of my sixty years have been spent as either as a victim of
violence and abuse or as a survivor in a lifelong state of
reconnaissance. I am a Domestic Violence War Veteran, and as such, I know
far too much about abuse firsthand. I know that once the primary abuser is
eliminated from the earthquake of a family dynamic, the after shocks of
dysfunction linger from within the family unit for generations; more
often than not. The collateral damage that began when the family was
young, grew as it steadily chipped away at the foundations of the family, by
slowly destroying its members. Like water on stone, little by little, the rot
of domestic violence took its toll.
I married a very intelligent, troubled, and
violent man, whose intelligence enabled him to mask his true self by exuding a
sweet and charming presentation to the public, while his evil self lurked in
the shadows. I had five children with Thomas Niles before I was forced to flee
from him over thirty years ago, when I was still a young woman of 29. I
expected that my escape with my five children, had ended the abusive cycle of
destruction, suffering and sorrow; however, the children already had damaged
sense of selves and the world, eroded senses of trust, or total lack of it, and
they carried the mold of domestic dysfunction with them. In addition to the
dysfunction of domestic violence, my children were forced to do battle with
what I call the Three Headed Monster: Domestic Abuse, Mental Illness and
Addiction. Each of the 'Monster' heads took a victim: one by suicide, another
by mental illness, and the third became a monster himself, absorbing all the
ugliness of evil. Only two of my five children survived on the positive
side of life.
The casualties in the United States that are
directly related to the Three Headed Monster, are in the hundreds of
thousands each year: according to the CDC over 100,000 deaths a year are
attributed to alcohol alone, and over 50,000 from drug overdose, over 40,000
from suicides and close to 2000 domestic violence homicides are reported each
year (many are not labeled as such), this does not include the thousands of
children abused, neglected, or murdered each year. The prisons are full of
domestic violence victims, usually as children, and often as adults in the case
of female inmates. The broad reaching power and range of the Three Headed
Monster, extends into every public sector, including the White House of the
United States of America; Including the film industry, the sports arena, and
every place you find people, you will find both former victims and sometimes
active perpetrators of abuse. Abuse of power, and misuse of control, leads to a
an unstable and unbalanced society at its worst, unstable and unbalanced
individuals and families at the least. The result is a loosening of the Three
Headed Monster, chaos and dysfunction, suffering, and catastrophe.
The saying about Rome was that it fell in a day,
which is not literally true, however, while the process of Rome's fall was ongoing,
the conquest of Rome was declared abruptly. Rome abused power, festered
corruption and exploitation, and allowed the imbalance of chaos and dysfunction
to take over the empire and the government, much like a large dysfunctional and
abusive family. There are similarities between the Roman decline and Trump's
control of the GOP and the government, as the abuse of power through catering
to the groups in power while abusing those without, has lead to an unbalanced
state of affairs. The relationship between domestic violence and abuse in
the homes of world leaders when they were themselves children, is obvious in
the case of President Donald Trump: his childhood based insecurities still
drives his ego, and his need to create his own reality through lies, threats
and manipulation, are all vestiges of the Three Headed Monster. The imbalance
within Trump, created in his own childhood is the reason for the imbalance in
the upper echelon of government. This is a paramount example of how far
reaching childhood abuse and/or dysfunction is; and more importantly, how
society is directly and indirectly affected by dysfunction.
The recent school shooting by Nikolas Cruz, is
another example of how the larger society suffers as a whole when even the
mental and emotional health of one member is damaged, and under-treated or
ignored. It is evident that the most dangerous part of the school shooting was
the easy access to a deadly assault weapon, and mental illness was a secondary
factor, and both of these factors are part of a dysfunctional society. When
society acts as a dysfunctional unit, important issues are neglected and
society's children and their needs are not met. When the most powerful faction
of society, the governing faction, misuses power and ignores the rights and
needs of the people, society as a whole suffers.
The Three Headed Monster: Mental Illness, Family
Dysfunction (Abuse, Violence & Neglect), and Addiction, will wage war
against us, if we don't wage war on it first. In order to restore balance in
the United States as a Nation Family, we must recognize the needs of the
people. In real life terms, funding cuts to Mental Health programs,
Substance Abuse and Addiction programs, and Family Violence programs that deal
with sexual assault and abuse, domestic abuse and violence and family health,
all amount to Neglect, and Abuse of Power in the name of Greed. The needs of
the people require annual expansion of funding and services (and I don't mean
1% as in the recent VAWA renewal) that aid in the prevention and intervention
of domestic violence and abuse, mental health treatment, both prevention and
treatment, and all substance abuse and addiction services.
Before the top level of government can reclaim
balance, the bottom tier where the people live, needs attention. The creation
of legislation that will demand immediate intervention in the case of the
mentally ill in need of treatment, as well as secondary responses when
treatment is rejected, will not only make society safer, it will offer hope for
saving the hopeless individuals who commit atrocities like the one that was
perpetrated at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Florida on Valentine's
Day of 2018. Reclaiming balance means taking back the power that has been
loosely given to any person capable of buying and Assault-grade weapon like an
AR-15, that enabled Nikolas Cruz to effortlessly kill so many so fast.
America is already Great, but its strength is in
its people: stop abuse and dysfunction, from the government down, and America
will be stronger.
Sara Niles
