ABUSE Presents itself in Many Forms

 ABUSE  is a broad, general term that can denote behaviors that are barely detectable, such as passive insults wrapped in humor, sarcasm that seems harmless, but was meant to sting. Abuse comes in many forms from insidious looks meant to condemn, a form of psychological abuse, to absolutely terrifying abuse that can't be mistaken for anything but what it is. The categories in which abuse occurs is never limited to just one, because most abusers use all:

Emotional: Can use subtle or direct methods to Minimize, Invalidate, Ignore, Ridicules, Overly Critical, Demanding, and violates your boundaries

Psychological: Makes you feel bad without you knowing why, plays mind games, is not trustworthy, gaslights you, projects blame, creates bad roles in family, creates division between siblings, and other family members or friends

Mental: Make you feel Stupid, questions your judgment, calls you crazy and forgetful when you accurately remember details about their behavior

Physical: Pushes, shoves, slaps, throws things, breaks things, assaults you, Intimidates you, points gun or knife at you, drives fast and recklessly endangering life

Sexual: Forces you to have sex when you don't want to by coercion, ridicules your sexual behavior, compares you to others,  demands unpleasant sexual acts, withholds sex

Spiritual: Violates your boundaries, requests behaviors that violate your standards, disrespects your values, forbids freedom of worship, or non worship, demands you have the same philosophy and beliefs, ridicules your faith, denies you personal time needed to refresh your energy. Sabotages your recreation

Financial: Controls your finances, sabotages the finances, lies about money, steals or hides money, gambles with bill money, Impulse buys large items, makes your stick to an allowance

MYTH: Children in the home are not affected by what happens between the Abusive and Non-abusive parent. 

CHILDREN: See and FEEL what happens in the home. They see the power imbalance and that one parent treats the other like a child. Children see the anxious expressions and they feel the atmosphere; they walk on eggshells with you-from and early age. No One who lives in a Bully Home can ever fully relax.

The CLIMATE in which children are raised becomes an all invasive petri dish that affects their view of Themselves, Others, and  The World. Abuse within the home shapes them and molds them to accept a normal that is not healthy, but is dysfunctional; thus if any type of abuse exists in a home environment as a Pattern Over Time, it WILL affect them. IF even ONE form of Abuse listed above is typical for the family, the family is dysfunctional, no matter how functional they appear outside the home.

The word ‘Dysfunction’ is a broad label that means ‘it does not work right’, or function right, and it is at the root of worldwide suffering and pain, as well as abusive behaviors that pervades generations and corrupts individuals, entire families, and society, like a poisonous pandemic.

 

It Does Not Work Right: Dysfunction

 The Face of Dysfunction systematically examines underlying causes of damaging behaviors and reveals the connection between dysfunction and The Three-Headed Monster, that is the biggest killer of all: 200,000 worldwide (drugs), 1,000,000 (suicide-mental illness), and countless millions of men, women and children are affected by abuse, violence and sexual violation, both in the home, and within the immediate society in which they live.

 

Three-Headed Monster: Abuse and Childhood Trauma, Substance Abuse, Mental Illness

 

Dysfunction begins as covert behaviors, usually within the home, long before it spills into society as overt behaviors that can no longer be ignored or trivialized.  Mental Health issues left untreated or undertreated, lead to reciprocal damage to individuals and families, in often spill out into society when the violently delusional act out their delusions on innocent others, or more often, they kill themselves at an alarming rate.

 

Substance abuse, as well as most addictions is usually a symptom of deeper issues, like the tip of a psychological iceberg, the bulk of the problem lies underneath. The ‘tip of the iceberg, is revealed in many societal problems, such as mass incarceration, extreme violence, sexual exploitation and victimization, as a symptom of the root problem: Dysfunction.

 

The Recognition, Intervention, and Prevention of dysfunction in families will decrease dysfunction in society.  Dysfunction that begins at home, must be stopped at home.

 

The Face of Dysfunction: The Three Headed Monster

Sara Niles