Domestic Violence as a Societal Problem by Sara Niles

Societal behaviors develop over time, as historical influences change, new powers emerge, and societal attitudes gradually adapt and become part of the dominant culture. In the case of domestic violence, getting a historical overview of how far the world has come in recognizing domestic abuse and violence as unacceptable behavior is important to the big picture. The Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence, I.C.S.D.V., expands the historical view of domestic violence back in time to 753 B.C. when Romulus of Rome was in power and wife beating was considered acceptable behavior among the Romans. In order for there to be a wrong behavior according to society, it must be labeled and categorized as both morally and legally wrong before society as a whole takes it seriously. Societal beliefs and attitudes have to change during this process as the level of awareness is brought to the forefront. Rules and Laws have to change to reflect the seriousness of societal boundaries, and consequences have to be enforced upon those who ‘break the rules’. The first step is always labeling the ‘wrong’. In the case of domestic violence, a behavior that was once trivialized, American society had a long way to go before arriving at a healthy point in the continuum of change.

Slavery is an extreme example of how societal beliefs and attitudes affect societal response. In the United States of America, the advent of slavery began as a behavior that became the norm among those in power, to own slaves and to abuse slaves, was also the ‘norm’: there was no societal wrong involved, therefore no criminal behavior to punish, because those in power either embraced slavery or swept it under the rug. In the case of child abuse within the home, or violence against women, there was no established ‘wrong’ until the behavior was first labeled as unacceptable by society at large. Wife abuse was considered normal until the early 1900’s when statutes such as the 1945 California ruling that any man who willfully beats his wife or child severely enough to cause “traumatic injury” will be guilty of committing a felony

Take notice of the legal wording that suggests a man may beat his wife or child as long as there was no ‘traumatic injury’, which is a clear indication of how important wording was in the legal advances of domestic violence issues. The raising of social and societal awareness came before the implementation of change, both in the United States and globally, as women and children graduated in their societal status from that of being the property of a man to being human beings deserving of holding the right to humane and just treatment both in the home, and outside the home. In Italy, the law first decreed it a crime to kill a wife, or female relative by a man who acted to ‘uphold his honor’, as late as 1960. Society has universally undervalued female life until the American Civil Rights movement created the Women’s Rights movement during the 1960’s, gaining strength over time as the causes of women were heralded over the next decades, resulting in the national framework that today supports domestic violence legislation, and the Federal funding of victims services that exist now.

The terms Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault, were also vestiges of the women’s movement, as new awareness bred the creation of new tools used to evoke change. Society needed to know that ‘beating’ a spouse was a serious violation of human rights, therefore the term ‘battered woman’ was first coined by Lenore Walker who was instrumental in awakening society to the ugliness and prevalence of domestic violence across all economic and social spectrums. The domestic violence movement gained momentum with the release of Lenore Walker’s 1979 book received national attention, as it brought to the fore the dirty secret of domestic violence that was occurring behind closed doors all over the country. The domestic violence terminology that followed for the next 20 years produced labels that defined a once accepted behavior as now ‘taboo’: Domestic Violence, ‘Battered Woman’, Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault, sexual abuse and many others that were first labeled and defined as wrong, and later supported by legislation that criminalized the behavior. The inclusion of family members was suggested by the more generic term Family Violence, as well as the fact family violence affected males as well as females.

In order for society to fully meet the challenge of providing not only validation to victims of violence, but physical assistance via shelters and counseling programs, funding was needed-a lot of funding in all 50 states. The Violence Against Women Act, or VAWA Act of 1994, was first initiated and is now one of the largest and broadest federally funded domestic violence grant initiatives in U.S. history. VAWA is expanded annually to provide intervention and services that address the needs of victims as well as the prosecutorial muscle to hold perpetrators of domestic violence accountable.

The 2014 VAWA initiative is a landmark marking 20 years of positive change in domestic violence legislation and societal awareness. Vice President Joe Biden spoke of the significance of that change when he cited the fact that 20 years ago, there was little legal consequence if a man “kicked his wife in the stomach” or habitually raped her, because our culture did not recognize abuse as abuse http://time.com/3319325/joe-biden-violence-against-women/

Twenty-seven years ago, I was a victim of severe domestic violence that forced me to flee for my life, and disappear with my five children with no support from a domestic violence agency. In 1987, society had a different view of domestic violence and its impact upon families, so I am well aware of the change in societal attitudes over the past few decades. I was surprised to see the effect of the Ray Rice scandal and how societal response has changed. Twenty years ago, the Ray Rice scandal would not have been a ‘scandal’ any more than O.J. Simpson’s abuse and murder of his wife, Nicole Simpson was at the time. I remember one juror making a statement that minimized the role domestic violence played in the O.J. Simpson murders, when she said "This is no domestic violence trial-this is a murder trial”, when is fact, they were one and the same, the murder of Nicole was a domestic homicide, with Ronald Goldman’s murder a tragic secondary part of the collateral damage. The O.J. Simpson trial was possibly the first big domestic violence slap in the face that helped to promote a major change in societal attitudes toward domestic violence. Domestic Violence was, and still is often fatal, a fact that victims are usually aware of, before becoming silent homicide statistics.

In the case of Nicole Brown Simpson, just as in the case of many domestic homicide victims, the victim usually is aware of the perpetrator’s level of lethality. The now world famous Chris Jenner, mother to the Kardashians, was a close friend of Nicole Brown Simpson before her murder and reported this fact to the world via a Dateline NBC Special : “Things are really bad between OJ and I, and he’s going to kill me, and he’s going to get away with it.” Nicole had told her just weeks before her murder that "O.J. is going to kill me". Nicole predicted her own murder based on gut instinct, and yet it still happened, and O.J. Simpson was acquitted and ‘got away with it’ as Nicole also eerily predicted. The societal stance at that time was embedded in the general attitude that if she was in danger ‘Why didn’t she just leave?’…:but of course, leaving is usually what triggers the majority of domestic violence homicides. Leslie Morgan Steiner, the author of the bestselling book Crazy Love, does an excellent job of explaining that dynamic in this video:

Society has come a long way since the 1994 murders committed by O.J. Simpson, an example of societal change can be seen in the societal response to the Ray Rice domestic violence assault, caught on tape here:

The O.J. Simpson case was a societal wake-up call, whereas the Ray Rice event took stock of how far society has come:
TIME: OJ Simpson and Ray Rice

Although Society has traveled an impressive distance in the journey toward enlightenment. the domestic violence journey is not over yet. There is still work to do on a large scale to keep change moving forward in a positive direction. In-school education on the dynamics of healthy versus unhealthy behaviors in families and by individuals needs to become part of national policy in order to eradicate the roots of domestic violence from within dysfunctional families.Until you remove the root-the weeds always come back.

Pennsylvania Welfare Resource Center: Course 310
ICADV History of Battered Woman's Movement

Domestic Violence: A Societal Journey by Sara Niles

Societal behaviors develop over time, as historical influences change, new powers emerge, and societal attitudes gradually adapt and become part of the dominant culture. In the case of domestic violence, getting a historical overview of how far the world has come in recognizing domestic abuse and violence as unacceptable behavior is important to the big picture. The Indiana Coalition Against Domestic Violence  ICSDV expands the historical view of domestic violence back in time to 753 B.C. when Romulus of Rome was in power and wife beating was considered acceptable behavior among the Romans. In order for there to be a wrong behavior according to society, it must be labeled and categorized as morally and legally wrong before society as a whole takes it seriously. Societal beliefs and attitudes have to change during this process as the level of awareness is brought to the forefront. Rules and Laws have to change to reflect the seriousness of societal boundaries, and consequences have to be enforced upon those who ‘break the rules’. The first step is always labeling the ‘wrong’. In the case of domestic violence, a behavior that was once trivialized, American society had a long way to go before arriving at a healthy point in the continuum of change.

Slavery is an extreme example of how societal beliefs and attitudes affect societal response. In the United States of America, the advent of slavery began as a behavior that became the norm among those in power, to own slaves and to abuse slaves, was also the ‘norm’: there was no societal wrong involved, therefore no criminal behavior to punish, because those in power either embraced slavery or swept it under the rug. In the case of child abuse within the home, or violence against women, there was no established ‘wrong’ until the behavior was first labeled as unacceptable by society at large. Wife abuse was considered normal until the early 1900’s when statutes such as the 1945 California ruling that any man who willfully beats  his wife or child severely enough to cause “traumatic injury” will be guilty of committing a felony ICADV 

Take notice of the legal wording that suggests a man may beat his wife or child as long as there was no ‘traumatic injury’, which is a clear indication of how important wording was in the legal advances of domestic violence issues. The raising of social and societal awareness came before the implementation of change, both in the United States and globally, as women and children graduated in their societal status from that of being the property of a man to being human beings deserving of holding the right to humane and just treatment both in the home, and outside the home. In Italy, the law first decreed it a crime to kill a wife, or female relative by a man who acted to ‘uphold his honor’, as late as 1960. Society  has universally undervalued female life until the American Civil Rights movement created the Women’s Rights movement during the 1960’s, gaining strength over time as the causes of women were heralded over the next decades, resulting in the national framework that today supports domestic violence legislation, and the Federal funding of victims services that exist now.

The terms Domestic Violence, Domestic Abuse and Sexual Assault, were also vestiges of the women’s movement, as new awareness bred the creation of new tools used to evoke change. Society needed to know that ‘beating’ a spouse was a serious violation of human rights, therefore the term ‘battered woman’ was first coined by Lenore Walker who was instrumental  in awakening society to the ugliness  and prevalence of domestic violence across all economic and social spectrums. The domestic violence movement gained momentum with the release of Lenore Walker’s 1979 book Battered Woman

received national attention, as it brought to the fore the dirty secret of domestic violence that was occurring behind closed doors all over the country. The domestic violence terminology that followed for the next 20 years produced labels that defined a once accepted behavior as now ‘taboo’: Domestic Violence, ‘Battered Woman’, Domestic Abuse, Sexual Assault, sexual abuse and many others that were first labeled and defined as wrong, and later supported by legislation that criminalized the behavior. The inclusion of family members was suggested by the more generic term Family Violence, as well as the fact family violence affected males as well as females. 

In order for society to fully meet the challenge of providing not only validation to victims of violence, but physical assistance via shelters and counseling programs, funding was needed-a lot of funding in all 50 states. The Violence Against Women Act, or VAWA Act of 1994, was first initiated and  is now one of the largest and broadest federally funded domestic violence grant initiatives in U.S. history. VAWA is expanded annually to provide intervention and services that address the needs of victims as well as the prosecutorial muscle to hold perpetrators of domestic violence accountable.

The 2014 VAWA initiative is a landmark marking 20 years of positive change in domestic violence legislation and societal awareness. Vice President Joe Biden spoke of the significance of that change when he cited the fact that 20 years ago, there was little legal consequence if a man “kicked his wife in the stomach” or habitually raped her, because our culture did not recognize abuse as abuse http://time.com/3319325/joe-biden-violence-against-women/

Whitehouse.gov VAWA Factsheet 

Twenty-seven years ago, I was a victim of severe domestic violence that forced me to flee for my life. I am well aware of the change in societal attitudes over the past few decades, and I was surprised to see the effect of the Ray Rice scandal and how societal response has changed. Twenty years ago, the Ray Rice scandal would not have been a ‘scandal’ any more than O.J. Simpson’s abuse and murder of his wife, Nicole Simpson was at the time. I remember one juror making a statement that minimized the role domestic violence played in the O.J. Simpson murders, when she said ‘this is no domestic violence trial-this is a murder trial”, when is fact, they were one and the same, the murder of Nicole was a domestic homicide, with Ronald Goldman’s murder  a secondary part of  the collateral damage. The O.J. Simpson trial was possibly the first big domestic violence slap in the face that helped to promote a major change in societal attitudes toward domestic violence. Domestic Violence was, and still is often fatal, a fact that victims are usually aware of before becoming homicide statistics.

In the case of Nicole Brown Simpson, just as in the case of many domestic homicide victims, the victim usually is aware of the perpetrator’s level of dangerousness. The now world famous Chris Jenner, mother to the Kardashians, was  a close friend of Nicole Brown Simpson before her murder and reported this fact to the world via a Dateline NBC Special : “Things are really bad between OJ and I, and he’s going to kill me, and he’s going to get away with it.” Nicole had told her just weeks before her murder."O.J. is going to kill me"

Society has come a long way since then, the Ray Rice domestic violence assault, caught on tape here:

YouTube Video Ray Rice knocks out fiance

The O.J. Simpson case was a wake-up call, whereas the Ray Rice event took stock of how far society has come: 

Simpson-Rice and Domestic Violence

 

There is still work to do on a large scale to keep change moving forward in a positive direction. In-school education on the dynamics of healthy versus unhealthy behaviors in families and by individuals needs to become part of national policy in order to eradicate the roots of domestic violence from within dysfunctional families.Until you remove the root-the weeds always come back.

Historical Influences in Domestic Violence

The Pennsylvania Child Welfare Training Program 310: Domestic Violence Issues:

Domestic Violence handout 

Domestic Homicide stories are in the news every day of the year, in fact when you consider the statistics such as  38% of females murdered were killed by intimate partners (2010), and roughly out of every four females murdered by intimates, a male intimate partner is also killed, it is not surprising that tragic Domestic Violence stories are easy to find. These figures do not include the murdered children who become collateral damage, not to even mention the life-long psychological murder that often takes place when childhoods are stolen by the unnatural presence of violence in the home.

For example, on February 3^rd, 2014, in Robbins Chicago, a man shot and killed his wife and two kids, although he was attempting to kill all four-a brave 14 year-old boy managed to save his own life and the life of a 5 year-old nephew by running away. One 17 year-old daughter was shot in the back as she tried to escape: http: Man Murders wife and Two kids, Two Escape

This type of behavior constitutes War and Terrorism in the home, the domicile, or-in other words, this is the working definition of domestic violence at its worst.

In 2010, violent crimes by intimate partners (both male and female) totaled 509,230 and accounted for 13 percent of violent crimes.[1]

Victims of Crime Statistics

Neil on Goodreads has started a group on Domestic Violence and the Law and he is using my book: Torn From the Inside Out as the reading material to be discussed. Please join the discussion:

New Abuse and the Law Group on Goodreads by Neil

The Law and Domestic Murder: How State Mandated Fatality Review Boards use data by Sara Niles

Love, Marriage and Murder, are words that are normally not closely associated in the average mind, although those words become the sad reality of many relationships in which there is serious domestic violence, or violence with the threat of permanent physical harm or death. The patterns that are present in domestic homicides have been used in the past, and are currently still used to provide research data that is useful in the construction of legal protections geared toward preventing future domestic homicides.  

The most serious consequences stemming from domestic violence against partners and children is the murder of victims, domestic homicide, which, in many cases involve the murder of children as well, often with the abuser committing suicide either by cop, or at their own hand immediately after the murders.

The National Domestic Violence Fatality Review Initiative http://www.ndvfri.org/reports.php

South Carolina had the most domestic homicides, with male partners killing female victims in 2013, with more than double the national average:

double the national average:read here

Fatality Review Boards were established for most states in the year 2004.

The data uses information leading up to the homicide to identify gaps in governmental programs that is examined by a state appointed review team such as the following:

“The review teams are comprised of representatives from government agencies, including prosecutors, public defenders, judges, police, medical examiners, emergency room doctors, court psychologists, corrections or probation officers, child protection workers, school social workers, etc. The teams also include strong representation from domestic violence advocates and from the community.”

From Stop Violence Against Women

http://www.stopvaw.org/domestic_fatality_review_boards

Arizona Fatality Review suggests the uses patterns to aid in the cross-coordination of agency efforts between law enforcement and supporting agencies:

 Arizona Fatality Review

  FBI Child Fatality Review

Presently the biggest gap is implementing the valuable data into useful law.

Domestic Violence and Homicide: A Deadly Problem by Sara Niles

 I have been a victim of domestic violence, as I came close to becoming a domestic homicide statistic; front page news in a small town that would have been quickly, and soon, forgotten. After my escape from my own homicidal maniac, many years later, I worked for a domestic violence agency, first at the shelter as a counselor, later as a Trainer.  I remember that one of my co-workers, a long time veteran of domestic violence work, once said “They always get worse when the weather is hot, or during the holidays”, meaning incents of abuse increased during those times, as evidenced by the influx of shelter clients.

When a man, or woman, who is prone to exact his or her own vengeance upon the world by punishing their private victims, is placed under extra external stress, they intensify their abuse upon others. There is no excuse for abuse, but for an abuser, any excuse will do. People who have made a life of bullying their intimate partners, and/or children, run the gamut from verbal violence, to physical homicide.

No matter how painful emotional abuse is, it can be survived, the victim can move on and grow; but no one survives homicide.

Murder Suicide LA Times 01-09-2014

 22 year-old man kills his 23 year-old wife, and as she lay dying he yells “I love you, wake up" 

Herald Sun (Jan. 11, 2014)

"I love you,wake up" said the killer to his dying wife: Herald Sun

Peoria, Illinois had 19 homicides in the year 2013, 4 of them were a direct result of domestic violence:

Peoria Journal Star (Jan. 4, 2014)

Domestic Violence Homicides: PJ Star

In Greensboro North Carolina, 11 of 23 homicides during the year of 2013 were domestic homicides: over half of the murders for the year.

Murder in the home, by a person who 'loves' you, is one of the worst breaches of peace and security there can be; because if you are not safe at home-then where?

A New Breed of Killers: Family Annihilators by Sara Niles

Mass shootings, spree killings, and family homicide appear to have reached alarming levels in the United States, if the national news is any indication.

Mass murder by the FBI serial murder typology

is the murder of four or more people at one time, occurs in the United States every 2 weeks, and incidences of mass shootings appear to be on the increase, with over 20 having made the national news during Obama's presidency alone.

It is both frightening and awful that strangers kill strangers, who have done nothing to harm them; yet it is even more alarming to see family kill family, in mass shootings, and targeting acts of murder that includes children. The annihilation of one’s own family has become so commonplace, that a term was coined in order to label it: ‘family annihilator’.

The coining of the term “family annihilator” which has been used on television programs such as Criminal Minds has been credited to Park Dietz

Park Dietz  the famed forensic psychiatrist who testified in high profile cases such as that of Jeffrey Dahmer, The Unabomber and Andrea Yates; usually on the side of the prosecution.

A man or woman, who chooses to commit mass murder, serial murder, or spree murder, is usually a violent societal deviant; and in the absence of mental illness, such people are extremely ego-centric and often narcissistic individuals who expect the world to satisfy their needs. Regardless of whether their particular ‘world’ is comprised of one person, or includes groups and subgroups, these people feel entitled to wreak vengeance upon the center of their world, if they are pushed far enough. They feel entitled to commit murder as a final act of perverted vengeance, and they often do not have the type family bonds that prevent them from doing harm to even the most innocent of victims, their own children.  In domestic violence situations, sometimes a family annihilator steps out of his or her own dark world and invades ours. The FBI definition of a mass murder is the killing of four or more people (not counting the killer), and a family annihilator kills close relatives, even his or her own children.

Two days after Christmas, this past year, on December 27^th, 2013, in Lockport, LA, Ben Freeman killed his newest wife, then proceeds to his ex-wife’s parent’s home, where he kills his former mother in law, shoots two other former in-laws, and proceeds to a third destination and kills another person; bringing the total injured and killed to  seven, by the end of his rampage:rampage

There have been many cases like Freeman’s, some much worse, such as the family killing spree of James Rupert in 1975, in which he killed 11 family members on Easter Sunday, the  Easter Sunday Massacre

On Christmas Day, 2011, in Grapevine Texas, a man dressed  himself as Santa and killed six of his family members during a Christmas party, before killing himself: Father Kills family dressed as Santa

It is most likely Freeman expected to kill his former wife and his children, but they were not home. The individual, who can murder family members and especially their own children, is a strange monster in society; an aberration of a human so far removed from normal, that they become fascinating in their deviance. People want to know why a person can do such a horrible thing, and what type person can obtain educations, like normal people, ambitiously pursue careers, like normal people, and impress their friends and co-workers-once again-like normal people; yet be so far from normal.

The  FBI identified traits that are common among serial murderers that also fit into Dr. Robert Hare’s Psychopathy Check-List, revised (PCL-R), and those traits are also held in common with many individuals with a pattern of extreme domestic violence: charm,  exaggerated sense of self-worth, lack of true empathy, and resistance to the acceptance of blame ; among a plethora of other traits.

These men or women are great actors, who manage to take on the role of being a caring and giving person, a romantic, and a devoted parent; when in fact, the deep love of others that gives such a role legitimacy, is sadly missing. By the time the victims discover this discrepancy, the abuser is heavily invested in the relationship and refuses to let go. They tend to delude themselves into a feeling of being wronged by others, and become obsessed with the idea of punishing those who have wronged them, at all costs. Once men, or women like this reach the point of no return, their own emotional ‘tipping point’, it is often too late, because they set out to kill.

Good Love and Bad Love: A Killing Difference

By

Sara Niles

People marry for ‘love’ and they form relationships based on ‘love’-but does that mean that both parties in a love relationship, love the same way? There are two types of love. When I provided domestic violence prevention trainings for grades 1-12, years ago, in order to reach young children who were still in Piaget’s concrete reasoning stage, I had to simplify the differences in the two types of love as ‘Good Love’ and ‘Bad Love’:

Good Love is unselfish and unconditional

Bad Love is selfish and conditional           

Good Love is not controlling

Bad Love is controlling

Good Love would never hurt the love object

Bad Love can kill the love object-especially if ‘it’ dares to leave them; watch this 48 Hour Special:

https://www.facebook.com/48hours