TORN From the Inside Out & THE JOURNEY

 MEMOIRS

In 1973,  a young woman, barely sixteen years old, and a zealous member of a cultist religious group, married a twenty-three year-old man, also a member of a the same religious group:

Fifteen years of abuse and five children later, Sara Niles fled for her life, crossed three state lines, and finally landed in a Safe Port. The Journey is the story of the Niles Family, especially the Children who grew up in a violent and traumatic environment. 

TORN From the Inside Out tells the story of Sara Nile's abuse and eventual escape. The Journey is the rest of the story.

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Torn From the Inside Out

Born from Trauma: 'A Pain so Great as to Tear the Soul Inside Out'

On a sunny day in 1960, a white haired, eighty-year-old man, walked up a steep hill deep in the countryside of Southern Arkansas, and walked away with a three- and one-half year old, little dirty girl-child, riding high atop his shoulders, holding tightly onto the old man’s bald head. The little girl was scared, hungry, as always, and she had no idea of the home she was going to. The little girl had been given away by her biological mother to an elderly Great-uncle, the brother of her maternal grandmother. That little girl was Me, Sara Niles. I lived a fairytale life on 'the Flower Bed of Eden', at least, that is how it all began.

Fast Forward

February 13, 1987

"I am going to kill you DEAD!', screamed my husband and father of my five children, Thomas Niles, as I flew down the stairs of the townhouse, two steps at a time, running for my life. Domestic Violence homicide had taken the lives of two local acquaintances that I knew well, only a few years earlier, as both were murdered by their long-time husbands, each much like mine. I was about to suffer the same fate. I was going to die that night, I knew it, as the thunder storm raged outside, a worse storm raged inside.

It was the storms inside that night that I feared.

Every life carries a tale, a backstory of origins, choices, successes, and failures; for a life is no small thing to live, some lives are smooth like paved roads, while others are bumpy and fraught with danger. An unconventional life, one without the prerequisite cushions of predictability and stability, is especially fraught with dangers, as was mine. The dire straits created by unforeseeable events and circumstances, just as the biblical verse states: “Time and unforeseen occurrences befall them all”, befell me more times than I could count. I lived a dangerous life with a dangerous man.

From the Garden of Eden straight into 'Hell'

In 1973, Sara married Thomas Niles, which negatively altered the outcome of Sara Nile's life. Saved from trauma as a child, nurtured, and trained in sound moral principles by loving relatives, nothing prepared Sara for life with Thomas Niles.

The Fairy-tale wedding in a Jehovah's Witness Kingdom hall packed to the four walls, soon became a prolonged nightmare in which the hopes and dreams of a talented child, were singularly shelved in favor of survival. The Storm that ignited as an innocent marriage before man and God, would last awhile, because unbeknown to Sara, she had married a monster in disguise.

I am a different Sara Niles, than the young girl of my long-gone youth; I have the insight young Sara never had, and I am much wiser and stronger than the infatuated young girl that I once was. I will be your narrator as you journey with me across time and space, back to where it all began.

The JOURNEY (411 pages)

Forty Years in the 'Wilderness' of shame and denial that shrouds the The-headed Monster in secrecy; denying the truth of what you see with your own eyes, and the emotions you feel in your heart, is tantamount to self-murder. Most people who survive abuse and carry its wounds and scars, never speak of it openly, therefore, they carry wounds that never heal.

 

The life the Niles family lived after fleeing abuse began as a quest for freedom, but issues, and ingrained hurts incurred during the long nightmare living with Thomas Niles, continued to appear at dubious times, in  ways that could not be ignored.

It is estimated that up to seventy percent of people in the world have suffered some degree of family dysfunction, yet people rarely speak of it. Secrecy and denial aid in the perpetuation of dysfunction, The Journey tells the stark truth-sometimes leaving in only a new beginning.

How It All Began:

We left our whole world behind, and fled with nothing, yet the children never even once asked Why?"
When a Raging Fire strikes a home in the middle of the night, everyone flees the home, with no regard for possessions, no grabbing of personal belongings, because every second counts. In most cases, there are family and friends, co-workers, and others standing by to help.
In 1987, we fled from a different type of 'Fire', a would-be killer who promised to erase us from the earth. The Niles Family would embark on a lifelong Journey of Reparation and searches for Resolution.

#MyStory by Sara Niles: Torn From the Inside Out

Memoirs about everything from minor subjects as trivial as how to tie your shoes to major works detailing trauma and tragedy that expands far outside the normal range of human experiences, such as   Surviving Auschwitz scatter the marketplace. A memoir is an account written from personal knowledge that professes historical accuracy, and personal honesty when the narrative is based on a true story of some significance. A meaningful memoir should leave a message behind, much like the duly acclaimed memoir  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.  In Caged Bird,  the personal struggle of young Maya to reclaim her self-esteem and identity after being raped, emerged into a powerful and poetic story of resilience. The inspirational message is you can survive and become stronger after earthshaking trauma; in Maya Angelou's case, she became her own earthshaking force as world renown poet, writer, philosopher and mentor to Oprah Winfrey.

My Story is a Memoir that recounts a childhood that was far from normal in which octogenarians relatives saved me just long enough for me to recover from the damage of early childhood neglect and abuse before my life catapulted me into the heart of a violent and abusive marriage to a mentally ill Vietnam Veteran, when I was only sixteen years old. My Story is a Memoir, Torn From the Inside Out and its message is clear: Domestic Violence bends, breaks, and kills. Too many victims never escape except through death, far too many who escape the actual abuse as damaged children, grow up to become broken adults who perpetuate the damage done to them: Broken People, Break People, and Hurt People,  Hurt People. The cycle of abuse has  be stopped; although domestic violence survivors champion resiliency and strength, the children bear the scars.

My Story is designed to increase understanding and raise awareness of domestic violence and its effect upon human lives, not just the lives of women, but all lives, the lives of  men, women, and children.


Torn From the Inside Out by Sara Niles

From the Prologue:

This book is for me and my children, as well as the millions of veterans of domestic war: those who live in homes predominated by domestic violence. Some survive the violence, stronger in some ways, and broken in others, and some do not survive at all.

In memory of the dead victims of domestic violence, I have retold stories of those who became casualties. The stories below are all true; I retold them from the perspective of my own visualizations in an effort to give some validation to lives wasted, and mostly forgotten. Some things are too precious to forget, such as the lessons of history, and the deeds of unsung heroes, for if we stumble into the habit of forgetting, we lose both the value of life and the opportunity to become a wiser and stronger generation. If we forget, we lessen our children’s heritage and cheat them of the legacy of their pasts, therefore we can never forget. 

I lived a life that was far from ordinary, and even far from normal. I was given away when I was barely over three years old to two aged, octogenarian relatives who had been childless until their early eighties, when they received me, much like a human gift. I was cherished and protected by them, that is, as long as they could offer such protection I lived in 'The Garden of Eden'. 

Time passed and I found myself far removed from such valued protection when I was on the brink of losing my life to a violent abuser, one I had married and pledged to spend a lifetime with. My life would take me far from my life's oasis, my childhood Garden of Eden.

Chapter 1

The Garden of Eden

Chapter 1

The Garden of Eden

Thunder rattled the window- panes two stories high and lightning split the sky; it was as if the whole world was in turmoil that night. My nerves were keyed up as tight as piano strings, and in a sudden moment of stillness and silence it felt as though my heartbeat was amplified ten times over. He was over a hundred pounds greater than I, nearly a foot taller, and I knew he could move his muscled body into unbelievable sprints. Rain started falling in torrents while the storm raged outside. I was not afraid of the storms of nature; it was the storm inside this night that I knew I might not survive.

Anticipation was so great that I wanted to scream at him to get it over with... and true to my expectation he lunged for me and my body did not disappoint me as I flew down the stairs two at a time in my bare feet. He stalled for mere seconds to enjoy his pronouncement of a death sentence upon me:
“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU—YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH—STONE DEAD!”He screamed like a crazed animal.

The date was February 13, of the year 1987, the night that I disappeared into a February rainstorm with five children and no place to go. I was twenty-nine years old.

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