#MyStory by Sara Niles: Torn From the Inside Out

Memoirs about everything from minor subjects as trivial as how to tie your shoes to major works detailing trauma and tragedy that expands far outside the normal range of human experiences, such as   Surviving Auschwitz scatter the marketplace. A memoir is an account written from personal knowledge that professes historical accuracy, and personal honesty when the narrative is based on a true story of some significance. A meaningful memoir should leave a message behind, much like the duly acclaimed memoir  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.  In Caged Bird,  the personal struggle of young Maya to reclaim her self-esteem and identity after being raped, emerged into a powerful and poetic story of resilience. The inspirational message is you can survive and become stronger after earthshaking trauma; in Maya Angelou's case, she became her own earthshaking force as world renown poet, writer, philosopher and mentor to Oprah Winfrey.

My Story is a Memoir that recounts a childhood that was far from normal in which octogenarians relatives saved me just long enough for me to recover from the damage of early childhood neglect and abuse before my life catapulted me into the heart of a violent and abusive marriage to a mentally ill Vietnam Veteran, when I was only sixteen years old. My Story is a Memoir, Torn From the Inside Out and its message is clear: Domestic Violence bends, breaks, and kills. Too many victims never escape except through death, far too many who escape the actual abuse as damaged children, grow up to become broken adults who perpetuate the damage done to them: Broken People, Break People, and Hurt People,  Hurt People. The cycle of abuse has  be stopped; although domestic violence survivors champion resiliency and strength, the children bear the scars.

My Story is designed to increase understanding and raise awareness of domestic violence and its effect upon human lives, not just the lives of women, but all lives, the lives of  men, women, and children.


Torn From the Inside Out by Sara Niles

From the Prologue:

This book is for me and my children, as well as the millions of veterans of domestic war: those who live in homes predominated by domestic violence. Some survive the violence, stronger in some ways, and broken in others, and some do not survive at all.

In memory of the dead victims of domestic violence, I have retold stories of those who became casualties. The stories below are all true; I retold them from the perspective of my own visualizations in an effort to give some validation to lives wasted, and mostly forgotten. Some things are too precious to forget, such as the lessons of history, and the deeds of unsung heroes, for if we stumble into the habit of forgetting, we lose both the value of life and the opportunity to become a wiser and stronger generation. If we forget, we lessen our children’s heritage and cheat them of the legacy of their pasts, therefore we can never forget. 

I lived a life that was far from ordinary, and even far from normal. I was given away when I was barely over three years old to two aged, octogenarian relatives who had been childless until their early eighties, when they received me, much like a human gift. I was cherished and protected by them, that is, as long as they could offer such protection I lived in 'The Garden of Eden'. 

Time passed and I found myself far removed from such valued protection when I was on the brink of losing my life to a violent abuser, one I had married and pledged to spend a lifetime with. My life would take me far from my life's oasis, my childhood Garden of Eden.

Chapter 1

The Garden of Eden

Chapter 1

The Garden of Eden

Thunder rattled the window- panes two stories high and lightning split the sky; it was as if the whole world was in turmoil that night. My nerves were keyed up as tight as piano strings, and in a sudden moment of stillness and silence it felt as though my heartbeat was amplified ten times over. He was over a hundred pounds greater than I, nearly a foot taller, and I knew he could move his muscled body into unbelievable sprints. Rain started falling in torrents while the storm raged outside. I was not afraid of the storms of nature; it was the storm inside this night that I knew I might not survive.

Anticipation was so great that I wanted to scream at him to get it over with... and true to my expectation he lunged for me and my body did not disappoint me as I flew down the stairs two at a time in my bare feet. He stalled for mere seconds to enjoy his pronouncement of a death sentence upon me:
“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU—YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH—STONE DEAD!”He screamed like a crazed animal.

The date was February 13, of the year 1987, the night that I disappeared into a February rainstorm with five children and no place to go. I was twenty-nine years old.

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Homicide In the Street by Sara Niles

Nonfiction 

Essay-length short story 4558 words 

One Full chapter from Out of the Maelstrom

Sara Niles fled for her life with her five children in 1987, as a victim homicidal domestic violence from her deranged husband; over a decade later, Niles begins work with a nonprofit domestic violence agency, dealing directly with victims of crime and violence. 
Homicide in the Street is the story of one of the most notorious of the abusers whose murder happened in the street in front of her adult son's home. It is through the telling of this story that the sad outcome of extreme violence is brought to the fore through the lens of society and the cultural mores of the times. 

Excerpt from Chapter of Out of the Maelstrom by Sara Niles

He was dead, alright. The sight of death is an ugly and fearsome thing I thought, as I absorbed the tragic sight in front of me. It was a man, ‘The man’ , who was lying in the road with blackish-red blood pooled around his head, and as he lay face down with his feet in his own yard, while his head and shoulders were planted in the street, giving the appearance of a killed animal felled in its tracks by a hunter.

By the time I arrived, yellow crime scene tape was strapped around the trees, while blue and red lights flashed out of sync with each other, providing the warning surges of light emanating from the tops of police cars and through the windshields of undercover detective vehicles; while the ambulance was parked askew with the neat, uniformed workers eerily standing almost idly by, in no apparent rush to ‘save’ the life of the already ‘dead’ man. I had rushed over as soon as I got the phone call, alerting me to what I was seeing with my own eyes. The phone call had been from my oldest son Tommy, who had reached me at the local domestic violence shelter with the news: “He’s dead! Mama-somebody just shot him-right out in the middle of the street!” 

Tommy had tersely stated, as a matter-of -fact summation of a wasted and dangerous life. The man was killed within fifty feet of my adult son Tommy’s yard, so naturally I felt I had a license to investigate, to see if he was indeed ‘really’ dead.

Read Homicide in the Street on Amazon

Out of the Maelstrom by Sara Niles

Narrative Memoir: Trauma Tragedy and Triumph 260 pages 71,152 words

Out of the Maelstrom is a stand-alone narrative memoir that can be read as part of The Torn From the Inside Out trilogy, or separately. Out of the Maelstrom is narrated by Sara Niles as a collection of short stories , philosophical insights and world views that create a global view of human suffering and provide an inspirational mirror that reflects the “power of the human spirit under fire”

Sara Niles survived extreme abuse and fled with her five children in 1987; over a decade later, Sara became a counselor and trainer for a domestic violence agency in a small town. It was during the ten years Sara was employed as a domestic violence professional that she was exposed to the worst of the worst , and the best of the best , those who were defeated and hardened by life and those who were empowered by trauma and tragedy and who not only survived, by triumphed.

Excerpts and Quotes

"When the storms of life are worse than the storms of nature, those who survive rise out of the maelstrom"

“The pages of my books are the parchment upon which I wrote using the 'ink' of my life: the blood, sweat and tears that represent the long struggle of the 'journey', the life trip that began long ago with the hungry little girl who 'sat in the sand' waiting to be saved by ‘an ancient old man’.  The story of child abuse, salvation, domestic violence and escape as told in Torn From the Inside Out, continued with the endearing and heart wrenching story of the children of Torn From the Inside Out in The Journey, as they struggled with the issues of their own survival and redemption.

 Out of the Maelstrom Out of the Maelstrom contains stories about real people: stories of trauma and triumph, and extremes of what life has to offer, from the kindness that defines the best of human nature to the cruelty that defines the worst. Many of the stories contain paradoxical dilemmas of social significance that have arisen out of our culture and stand as a testament to the broken parts of society that affect the marginalized and the forgotten members, the ones most in need of help. The scope of Out of the Maelstrom broadly sweeps in the worldview as part of the context of everyday human life, since no man exists on an island.

Excerpts from Chapter One

"He was dead, alright. The sight of death is an ugly and fearsome thing, I thought, as I absorbed the tragic sight in front of me. It was a man, 'The man', who was lying in the road with blackish--red blood pooled around his head, and as he lay face down with his feet in his own yard, while his head and shoulders were planted in the street, he gave the appearance of a killed animal felled in its tracks by a hunter."

"I applied to work for this agency because I felt that I belonged there, because it was where my heart was. I wanted to help people who had hurt like I hurt and felt trapped like I had. I wanted to empower those who felt they were powerless and give courage to the broken hearted. My comrades in this mission were all there with me, we all wanted the same things for similar reasons and we would share a rich and grand experience working together, an adventure that needed telling, a soulful potion that needs sharing in the journey of this new life" "She said her name was Evelyn, the name sounded soft and genteel, but the lady was not"

"Oh...You will just have to come see for yourself-I'd get over here if I were you -and hurry!" she said with a little nervous laugh" (Sandy the Shelter Manager)

Table of Contents (samples)

Chapter 1.....Homicide in the Street...11 Chapter 2.....A Place of Safety in a Time of Danger...Chapter 3.....A Special Brand of People  ....Norman Rockwell & The Lady From Harvard... Chapter ....Wolves-Within ...........Chapter 28.....A Visit: Back to My Past... Chapter 29.....