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TORN From the Inside Out & THE JOURNEY

 MEMOIRS In 1973,  a young woman, barely sixteen years old, and a zealous member of a cultist religious group, married a twenty-three year-o...

Showing posts with label #DomesticViolence. Show all posts
Showing posts with label #DomesticViolence. Show all posts

Thursday, January 5, 2017

Torn From the Inside Out: abuse knows no bounds

Canada Torn From the Inside Out


During a cold, February thunderstorm, in the dark of night, Sara Niles fled for her life with her five children in tow, forced to disappear in order to stay alive.

Torn From the Inside Out is a true story of extreme domestic violence and family dysfunction that begins with the heroic intervention of an 83 year-old uncle, when Sara Niles was a 3 1/2 year-old child, living in a perilous climate. 

Sara’s great-great Uncle Robert saves her, and takes her home to live on a beautiful, paradisiac farm to live with he, and his childless wife, Sara’s Aunt Molly.
Set in the Rural South during a time of racial conflict, Sara begins her life racially mixed, half White and half Black, during the late 1950’s. The story fast forwards, as the wonderful life provided by Sara's aged uncle and aunt falls apart, leaving Sara vulnerable to the advances of Vietnam Veteran Thomas Niles, whom she marries when only sixteen years old. Niles is a violent and abusive man, given to sudden rages and fits of mood that were entirely foreign to Sara.

True to Sara’s optimistic spirit, Sara attempts to help Thomas Niles conquer his demons, while hoping and wishing for better times, and enduring abuse, Sara eventually comes to the realization Thomas Niles is a killer, who promises to kill her and ‘every one of those children’, if she tried to leave him.

Torn From the Inside Out probes the depth of human behavior to the root of existence, as it emotionally traverses the soil of our hearts and souls. Human relationships from early childhood through adulthood, color our views of selves and the world around us. Our pasts are what make us what we are. It is the pain that is experienced through earlier life that makes us wise in hindsight; illuminating the past with new light. It is through the lens of life that Sara tells her story:

“In the process of my evolution, I became a victim of domestic war, an emotional casualty for a major portion of my life, entwined, entrapped and emotionally involved, until I learned how to become free. Freedom has never been easily gained and has often come at high cost throughout history, but one thing I will always know is freedom is worth every fight, and all pain.” 

Sara Niles from Torn From the Inside Out

Culture and Domestic Violence

The larger culture adopts beliefs and attitudes, platitudes, and apathetic stances that work against the eradication of sexual victimization of all humans. Men, women and children, both male and female children, have been and continue to be sexually exploited and abused at an alarming rate. When domestic violence preventative actions, and intervention programs operate aggressively with the backing of organizations such as Its On Us (ItsOnUs.org), public awareness and individual responsibility is raised. Each person has a responsibility to do what he or she can to prevent the sexual exploitation of children, teenagers and adults of both genders, even if this action is only a change of attitude toward this dangerous epidemic. Sexual abuse of children leads to a high degree of dysfunction as adults, especially when society blames and shames the victim so that abuse is kept secret when it should be exposed and dealt with. Society must stop shaming victims. Its On Us.http://itsonus.org/#pledgeTake the Its On Us Pledge

Monday, March 21, 2016

Torn From the Inside Out by Sara Niles

My name is Sara Niles, the author of Torn From the Inside Out, my personal memoir, and testament to the power of the unconquerable human spirit we are all imbued with. Torn From the Inside Out is the story of my life, first as a neglected child, given away to an elderly couple at the age of 3 1/2, and as a victim of domestic violence by the age of 16:


 “In the process of my evolution, I became a victim of domestic war, an emotional casualty for a major portion of my life, entwined, entrapped and emotionally involved, until I learned how to become free. Freedom has never been easily gained and has often come at high cost throughout history, but one thing I will always know is freedom is worth every fight, and all pain.” 

From the Prologue

This book is for me and my children, as well as the millions of veterans of domestic war: those who live in homes predominated by domestic violence. Some survive the violence, stronger in some ways, and broken in others, and some do not survive at all.

In memory of the dead victims of domestic violence, I have retold stories of those who became casualties. The stories below are all true; I retold them from the perspective of my own visualizations in an effort to give some validation to lives wasted, and mostly forgotten. Some things are too precious to forget, such as the lessons of history, and the deeds of unsung heroes, for if we stumble into the habit of forgetting, we lose both the value of life and the opportunity to become a wiser and stronger generation. If we forget, we lessen our children’s heritage and cheat them of the legacy of their pasts, therefore we can never forget.

I lived a life that was far from ordinary, and even far from normal. I was given away when I was barely over three years old to two aged, octogenarian relatives who had been childless until their early eighties, when they received me, much like a human gift. I was cherished and protected by them, that is, as long as they could offer such protection I lived in 'The Garden of Eden'.

Time passed and I found myself far removed from such valued protection when I was on the brink of losing my life to a violent abuser, one I had married and pledged to spend a lifetime with. My life would take me far from my life's oasis, my childhood Garden of Eden.


                                           Chapter One of Torn From the Inside Out
                                                             The Garden of Eden

Thunder rattled the window- panes two stories high and lightning split the sky; it was as if the whole world was in turmoil that night. My nerves were keyed up as tight as piano strings, and in a sudden moment of stillness and silence it felt as though my heartbeat was amplified ten times over. He was over a hundred pounds greater than I, nearly a foot taller, and I knew he could move his muscled body into unbelievable sprints. Rain started falling in torrents, while the storm raged outside. I was not afraid of the storms of nature; it was the storm inside this night that I knew I might not survive.

Anticipation was so great that I wanted to scream at him to get it over with, and true to my expectation he lunged for me, and my body did not disappoint me, I flew down the stairs two at a time in my bare-feet. He stalled for mere seconds to enjoy his pronouncement of a death sentence upon me:
“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU—YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH—STONE DEAD!”He screamed like a crazed animal.

The date was February 13, of the year 1987, the night that I disappeared into a February rainstorm with five children and no place to go. I was twenty-nine years old.
Torn From the Inside Out as a Kindle ebook is available at promotional prices for six days on Amazon, beginning 03/23/2016-03/28/2016.
Torn From the Inside On Amazon


Tuesday, March 24, 2015

Domestic Violence: Patrick Stewart's Experience

Patrick Stewart is well known as the English actor famous for his role in Stat Trek's captain Jean-Luc Picard. Stewart is also an activist with strong views on domestic violence that stemmed from personal experience. Patrick Stewart's passionateYoutube video on domestic violence has over 4 million hits:


  1. Sir Patrick Stewart OBE is an English film, television, and stage actor, who has had a distinguished career on stage and screen. Wikipedia
  2. BornJuly 13, 1940 (age 74), Mirfield, United Kingdom

Tuesday, March 10, 2015

#MyStory by Sara Niles: Torn From the Inside Out



Memoirs about everything from minor subjects as trivial as how to tie your shoes to major works detailing trauma and tragedy that expands far outside the normal range of human experiences, such as   Surviving Auschwitz scatter the marketplace. A memoir is an account written from personal knowledge that professes historical accuracy, and personal honesty when the narrative is based on a true story of some significance. A meaningful memoir should leave a message behind, much like the duly acclaimed memoir  I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings by Maya Angelou.  In Caged Bird,  the personal struggle of young Maya to reclaim her self-esteem and identity after being raped, emerged into a powerful and poetic story of resilience. The inspirational message is you can survive and become stronger after earthshaking trauma; in Maya Angelou's case, she became her own earthshaking force as world renown poet, writer, philosopher and mentor to Oprah Winfrey.

My Story is a Memoir that recounts a childhood that was far from normal in which octogenarians relatives saved me just long enough for me to recover from the damage of early childhood neglect and abuse before my life catapulted me into the heart of a violent and abusive marriage to a mentally ill Vietnam Veteran, when I was only sixteen years old. My Story is a Memoir, Torn From the Inside Out and its message is clear: Domestic Violence bends, breaks, and kills. Too many victims never escape except through death, far too many who escape the actual abuse as damaged children, grow up to become broken adults who perpetuate the damage done to them: Broken People, Break People, and Hurt People,  Hurt People. The cycle of abuse has  be stopped; although domestic violence survivors champion resiliency and strength, the children bear the scars.

My Story is designed to increase understanding and raise awareness of domestic violence and its effect upon human lives, not just the lives of women, but all lives, the lives of  men, women, and children.


Torn From the Inside Out by Sara Niles

From the Prologue:

This book is for me and my children, as well as the millions of veterans of domestic war: those who live in homes predominated by domestic violence. Some survive the violence, stronger in some ways, and broken in others, and some do not survive at all.

In memory of the dead victims of domestic violence, I have retold stories of those who became casualties. The stories below are all true; I retold them from the perspective of my own visualizations in an effort to give some validation to lives wasted, and mostly forgotten. Some things are too precious to forget, such as the lessons of history, and the deeds of unsung heroes, for if we stumble into the habit of forgetting, we lose both the value of life and the opportunity to become a wiser and stronger generation. If we forget, we lessen our children’s heritage and cheat them of the legacy of their pasts, therefore we can never forget. 

I lived a life that was far from ordinary, and even far from normal. I was given away when I was barely over three years old to two aged, octogenarian relatives who had been childless until their early eighties, when they received me, much like a human gift. I was cherished and protected by them, that is, as long as they could offer such protection I lived in 'The Garden of Eden'. 

Time passed and I found myself far removed from such valued protection when I was on the brink of losing my life to a violent abuser, one I had married and pledged to spend a lifetime with. My life would take me far from my life's oasis, my childhood Garden of Eden.

Chapter 1

The Garden of Eden

Chapter 1

The Garden of Eden

Thunder rattled the window- panes two stories high and lightning split the sky; it was as if the whole world was in turmoil that night. My nerves were keyed up as tight as piano strings, and in a sudden moment of stillness and silence it felt as though my heartbeat was amplified ten times over. He was over a hundred pounds greater than I, nearly a foot taller, and I knew he could move his muscled body into unbelievable sprints. Rain started falling in torrents while the storm raged outside. I was not afraid of the storms of nature; it was the storm inside this night that I knew I might not survive.

Anticipation was so great that I wanted to scream at him to get it over with... and true to my expectation he lunged for me and my body did not disappoint me as I flew down the stairs two at a time in my bare feet. He stalled for mere seconds to enjoy his pronouncement of a death sentence upon me:
“I AM GOING TO KILL YOU—YOU GOOD FOR NOTHING BITCH—STONE DEAD!”He screamed like a crazed animal.

The date was February 13, of the year 1987, the night that I disappeared into a February rainstorm with five children and no place to go. I was twenty-nine years old.







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