Writing The Book: The Long Journey By Sara Niles

A dream sometimes comes at a very high cost, and it may began as a passion laden idea, grow to a fire in your soul until it is a mission. Maybe only you know the value of the dream, but if you are fortunate, others may join you in your devotion to your cause and support you in your resolute determination. A dream is not a passive thing, that is if it is really worthwhile-it takes work; sometimes many years of work.

My dream began in 1995, after formulating as a vague impression for a few years, before blooming as a full-fledged idea. The book: Torn From the Inside Out breathed its first breath of life in 2004 as the concrete vestige of my dream to make a difference. My dream has grown bigger, and it continues today.

http://www.amazon.com/Birth-Book-Passion-Behind-Inside-ebook/dp/B00EODO35C/

The Artists of Psychotherapy: Virginia Satir, Carl Whittaker and John Bradshaw

By Sara Niles

In every discipline and profession, you find those who work on a ‘below’ average level, an average level and the ‘above average level’; these are the talented ones, the artists within their fields.

Sigmund Freud was one of the earliest among those who fall into this caliber of awareness that enabled him to give the world a view into the psychic mechanisms behind human behavior; but as the world of psychology expanded, several extraordinary people came to the fore.

In order to appreciate what is involved in therapy and psychotherapy, it is important to realize that the mind governs the  thinking, feeling and behavior of a person; and if the mind gives faulty instructions, then there will be flaws in either or all of those areas.  Cognitive psychology usually deals with the thinking, Behavioral Psychology with the behavior and Psychoanalytic usually deals with the emotions as perceived or experienced. The branches of psychology and those who work within them, often stick to one of the specialties; however, truly talented therapists do on limit themselves, but tend to be able to see the person as a component of all three: their thinking, feeling and behaviors, from childhood through adulthood.

I have selected three of my favorite artists of psychotherapy:

 Virginia Satir (1916-1988) Pioneered Family Therapy; identified the fact that the ‘presenting’ problem in family was seldom the problem, since it was simply a symptom of deeper problems. Satir developed a model designed to get to the root of the issues in a family.

Foundation Website: http://www.satirpacific.org/therapy

Carl Whittaker (1912-1995) Whittaker was a mix between Dr. Phil, with his no-nonsense approach and Virginia Satir’s treatment of the family as a unit with hidden agendas. Whittaker was known to ‘break the rules’ and do such things as shock the patient to force them out of their stuck positions and beliefs.

http://www.mindfortherapy.com/carl-whitaker.html

John Bradshaw (b. 1933): Expert on family dynamics and the ‘inner child’ and international bestselling author of self-help books.

Webpage: http://www.johnbradshaw.com/

Presentation on YouTube:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mofs-LTP4NQ

Good Love and Bad Love: A Killing Difference

By

Sara Niles

People marry for ‘love’ and they form relationships based on ‘love’-but does that mean that both parties in a love relationship, love the same way? There are two types of love. When I provided domestic violence prevention trainings for grades 1-12, years ago, in order to reach young children who were still in Piaget’s concrete reasoning stage, I had to simplify the differences in the two types of love as ‘Good Love’ and ‘Bad Love’:

Good Love is unselfish and unconditional

Bad Love is selfish and conditional           

Good Love is not controlling

Bad Love is controlling

Good Love would never hurt the love object

Bad Love can kill the love object-especially if ‘it’ dares to leave them; watch this 48 Hour Special:

https://www.facebook.com/48hours

Trolls in Cyberspace: The New Road Rage

By Sara Niles

10-10-2013

The term ‘troll’ originated in mythical lore at ugly beings that were grotesque and up to no good, and the term ‘road rage’ originated in modern times with the advent of automobiles and concentrated traffic on highways. Both terms have come into play in cyberspace as ‘trolls’ have populated almost every form of social media looking for ways to stir up discontent and provoke arguments.  A troll hides behind anonymity as an unknown person on a computer, just as those who are subject to road rage, release pent up frustration and anger on unsuspecting motorists by calling names and verbally abusing their fellow travelers. It is as if the Troll and the person venting road rage, both are projecting their own anger and sense of inadequacy by ‘picking’ on others to make themselves feel better.

If you have ever encountered this type behavior, it may have been puzzling to see the enormity of rage vented upon people. I was reading an online interview depicting a woman who had lost her son in death and the interviewer questioned her about how she managed to cope. The comments that followed were a true reflection of the compassion that most people are naturally capable of; however, there were a few trolls who actually demeaned the woman as a celebrity whose money and privilege supposedly exempted her form having the right to suffer pain. One troll mercilessly attacked her, entitling her response as ‘Oh Booowhooo” poor you with all your money!’.

If is a shame that some allow their own negative emotions and inadequacies in life to rob them of all natural affection, thus remove them one step away from civility and humanity. No wonder the term ‘troll’ is so fitting.

Interview with Sara Niles, Memoir Author

Question:

Sara Niles primarily writes nonfiction memoirs-Why is that?

I am on a mission to make a difference through The Torn Trilogy memoirs, which addresses family dysfunction, domestic violence, child abuse, mental illness and drug addiction issues, and the destructive effect it has upon human lives.

Most people read books for two reasons: to be entertained and to be informed.

 Many readers have been conditioned to view nonfiction writing as a medium that is purely informational and fiction writing as purely entertaining. The fact is, nonfiction can be both entertaining and it can pack a powerful informational message as well; as an example, the movie Titanic was filled with information about a historical event, but it was also highly entertaining; a fact that also holds true to literature, In Cold Blood by Truman Capote was hailed as a masterpiece in nonfiction literature simply because Capote wrote a true story as though it was fiction.

I have lived an extraordinary life in which the odds were heavily stacked against both me and my children, placing our mere survival at risk countless times. The element of rising suspense that captivates audiences was an actual part of our lives, and the unusual twists and turns that keep you on the edge of your seat, was a normal part of our survival.  When the saying ‘truth is stranger than fiction’ was coined, it aptly applied to our lives and the multitudes of people who have lived similar lives.

 Torn From the Inside Out, The Journey and Out of the Maelstrom, each tells a story that is filled with both entertainment value and informational content. Each of the memoirs can provide whatever a reader is seeking: a good read, insight and information, and entertainment. Regardless of the reason for reading The Torn Trilogy, the reader will come away entertained and enlightened and in the process, the dark veil of family dysfunction will have been lifted a little higher with each reading.

What is the greatest joy of writing for you?

The empowerment of writing life-changing memoirs that offer enlightenment and insight is the greatest joy and is most rewarding for me.

Knowledge and insight is like a light in a dark tunnel, especially if that 'tunnel' is years of denial. I delight in providing insight through my writings that empowers and enables people to change their lives for the better. Most people do not realize that knowledge can help a person forty or fifty years after a traumatic event but shedding light on hidden secrets and enabling people to reexamine the way they saw themselves.

A large percentage of drug addicts and a disproportionate number of the mentally ill are troubled by a past that involved domestic violence or some form of abuse during their childhoods. Light needs to be shed of those faulty perceptions and attitudes.

My writing enables me to become a light bearer in a dark place.

Oprah Winfrey: Lessons from The Butler

Once in a while, the world experiences a persona so powerful and utterly refreshing and inspiring, the  whole world falls in love with that person; sometimes, but not often, that person becomes an international symbol of humanitarianism and good will. The rarity of encountering such person in a single lifetime makes such a unique person stand out in your mind like a beacon.

In the year 1954, while right smack in the middle of rising racial tension and imminent social change, Oprah Winfrey was born  to a poor family in one of the poorest states of the union: Mississippi. When you consider Oprah’s beginnings, the odds of Oprah becoming Oprah, seems unfathomable: Born into poverty as the child of a single mother who worked as a housemaid, with the likely possibility of achieving anything great in her future appearing to be a far off shadow in the night.

I won’t trouble you to read the ending to this story since the world already knows Oprah and what she has become in life; what I will draw attention to, is the fact that Oprah is probably the most powerful woman in the world, Black or White, or of any other race. Oprah could easily forget her roots and her lowly beginnings and saunter off into her glamorous future and leave her past behind-but she didn’t. I greatly admire that fact that Oprah is still a Black woman, and obviously very proud of it; and Oprah remembers her past, and is also very proud of it.

I read the September, 2013 issue of Oprah magazine (the one with Oprah wearing a HUGE afro), and the article about Oprah’s role in the new movie, The Butler, had a paragraph from Oprah that moved me to tears. In this paragraph, Oprah recounted what the historical significance of The Butler meant to her personally. In essence, Oprah said she found herself thinking a lot about the history behind the movie and the many people that were affected by this history, including herself, the offspring of  three generations of housemaids because “That was all they could be”(Oprah). The choices that are held before all of us today, for both our sons and daughters, are much better choices than those that existed during the early days of ‘The Butler’ in his real life. But what must not be forgotten is the fact that butlers and maids, and the many other hard working Americans from the past, are the ones who paved the way for those choices we have today. We owe much of our hope to the future to those who lived in the past.

The need to recognize our pasts and where we come from is important because “If you don’t know where you came from, how do you know where to go?” (Oprah, 2013)

Sara Niles  Author of Torn From the Inside Out

War: A Costly Endeavor

By Sara Niles Author of Torn From the Inside Out

War is the most costly government operation of all time, because the currency of the interchange is human life and everyone loses in war. As the modernity of the times produced superpowers, the wars have become potential super wars: World Wars I and II were the first concrete examples of wars out of control. In World War One, over 37,000,000 lives were lost, with the greatest numbers of casualties suffered by the superpowers: over 65,000,000 were mobilized worldwide, with the greatest losses suffered by Russia, France and Germany (http://www.pbs.org/greatwar/resources/casdeath_pop.html ). When you examine the numbers from the Second World War, the numbers appear to come from a science fiction horror movie; because WWII was the biggest and deadliest war in all of human history. You would think the world leaders would have learned from the first war.

The dangers of declaring war versus the danger of not declaring war-now that is the question facing the world leaders yet again. Syria has committed the unthinkable and used chemicals to kill over 1400 people (http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-middle-east-23906913), a mere harbinger of what they may do in the near future, if not stopped.

Now we are faced with a fearful decision that involves a two pronged danger: the danger of war from action and the danger of war from inaction- a critical dilemma of the worst kind. Will there be a need to fight to protect the good in the world? And what will be the end after all is said and done?

In the Lord of the Rings (Movie), Sam said to Frodo that

“… there's some good in this world, Mr. Frodo... and it's worth fighting for”