SARA NILES. Author and Social Media Influencer. Books, Essays, Social Awareness The lives we live determine our passions, and our passions impact the lives we live, in a dynamic, reciprocal pattern. My Life inspired me to write Memoirs: TORN From the Inside Out, The Journey, Out of the Maelstrom, Essays, Opinion Editorials, and social narratives that shed light during dark times.
The TORN Episodes
The Plague of 'The Narcissists' is Global
The term 'Narcissist is not new, nor is the behavior, because pathologically selfish people existed in every phase of human history fro...
Monday, March 25, 2024
Sunday, January 21, 2024
TORN From the Inside Out & THE JOURNEY
MEMOIRS
In 1973, a young woman, barely sixteen years old, and a zealous member of a cultist religious group, married a twenty-three year-old man, also a member of a the same religious group:
Fifteen years of abuse and five children later, Sara Niles fled for her life, crossed three state lines, and finally landed in a Safe Port. The Journey is the story of the Niles Family, especially the Children who grew up in a violent and traumatic environment.
TORN From the Inside Out tells the story of Sara Nile's abuse and eventual escape. The Journey is the rest of the story.
Links in Sidebar: Click Book Images
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Torn From the Inside Out
Born from Trauma: 'A Pain so Great as to Tear the Soul Inside Out'
The JOURNEY (411 pages)
We left our whole world behind, and fled with nothing, yet the children never even once asked Why?"
When a Raging Fire strikes a home in the middle of the night, everyone flees the home, with no regard for possessions, no grabbing of personal belongings, because every second counts. In most cases, there are family and friends, co-workers, and others standing by to help.
In 1987, we fled from a different type of 'Fire', a would-be killer who promised to erase us from the earth. The Niles Family would embark on a lifelong Journey of Reparation and searches for Resolution.
Wednesday, April 19, 2023
Sample Torn From the Inside Out
MEMOIR
- INTENSE
- Insightful
- Malignant Narcissism
- Literary Narration
- Trauma
Saturday, March 11, 2023
You Are ALONE: Relationship with Your Narcissist
Your Lonely Life with The Narcissist
In the egocentric world
of Your Narcissist, YOU
do not exist, at least not as a real person. You exist as a service provider, a
status symbol, or simply a source of emotional ‘supply,’ that they gain through
a toxic feed-back loop. The REAL you, the one they seem to laud when they are
in a state of dysregulation and must recharge your batteries through that
intense ‘thing’ that they do-LOVE Bombing. The minute your narcissistic
son, daughter, partner, or friend, realizes you are becoming fed up with
them-they flip the switch and turn on the charm. The charm is not a genuine
recognition of your strengths, although they know you have them, the charm is a
tool of manipulation. It is like petting the cow before you milk her, a
veritable ‘Here Kitty-Kitty’ routine designed to set the stage from round two,
or after years of abuse, round number one thousand, Welcoming you to Gold Star status in the Twilight
Zone of Trauma-Bonding.
It is not like you never
suspected something was wrong with your ‘person,’ or imagined they were
defective in their social skills, to say the least. The truth is you had no
idea they were Fake Entities, made up of pure deception and
fraud. It is even more likely that you never knew there is a name for your
person: Narcissist, and that that are descriptive and definite
categories which your narcissist fits into like a glove. If your narcissist is
covert, their ‘mask’ was so well developed that it may have taken you decades
to identify them as The Problem and not you. Like a snake
slithering in the grass, they camouflage themselves with superficial charm and
intense emotional storms of ‘gratitude’ and pleas for forgiveness, leaving you
only one noble response-to brush the erroneous behavior aside as a mistake.
Despite the gross
manipulations, your inner warning signs set off alarms that you ignored or
excused, chalking it up to some eccentric nuance uniquely
theirs. You always suspected something was not right with Your
Narcissist, but they were so good at covering their tracks that you
discounted your concerns. People who exist in their own realm hiding behind
deception and a false identity, are like ‘Actors’ in which the ‘Stage’ is real
life; yet there is no reality. The Narcissist is a walking, talking, oxymoron,
an ironic, enigmatic conceptualization of all the best parts of a normal
personality, yet peppered with confusing behaviors that are far from normal. It
is like an Actor entered your life at some point and never left the role. The
REAL person that you thought was great, never existed.
The reason most
narcissistic people develop a penchant for deception and role playing is
simple: they know they are flawed, but refuse to accept it;
instead, they create a false image composed of everything that YOU like, like a
custom-made persona. The Narcissistic person is often a good worker, and very
intelligent, so they are capable of understanding what is expected of them, and
they can deliver. The Narcissist at work may perform exceptionally well in many
types of settings, in the church system, they are saints, among friends, they
are ‘the best,’ always willing to help, but at home? At Home is a
different story because the average narcissist gets comfortable at home in
their own environment and they feel entitled to be themselves,
to kick off their shoes and remove the mask.
The problem with a
narcissist being ‘themselves’ is which self will they be
today? The Abusive Tyrant raging because they were frustrated or dissatisfied,
or even bored? Or will they put the mask on and play a game of “Love
Bombing’ to keep the targeted person in the relationship duped?
In all of the chaos of
narcissistic games, unpredictable behaviors, and rollercoaster cycling up and
down from happy to sad, the victim is fully alone in the room,
wherever ‘the room’ may be. The Love Bombing stage makes it seem like the
narcissists care about you and are willing to ‘see’ you and listen to you, but it
is like a quick breeze on a hot day, it quickly passes. The 'love' of a
narcissist is like the taste of honey that was not honey at all.
Loneliness gradually
sets in, where you feel as though the narcissistic family member or partner is not
aware of you as a person. This is apparent when you are excited over your good
news, or a personal accomplishment, and you rush to immediately share with Your
Narcissist, with your eyes wide and your heart full of cheer, only to have your
news discounted in favor of a distraction. Right in the middle of your notice
that you received a promotion in which your salary was doubled, they will
nonchalantly ask if you remembered to buy milk on the way home. Flabbergasted,
you answer “No,” because who is thinking of milk with such tidings to bear? The
energy of the revelation is halted, cold water thrown on your lifetime
accomplishment, so for a brief moment, you have a flash of anger; but not
willing to further ruin your announcement, you ignore it. A huge Red Flag was
just waved in your face, by years of conditioning has trained you to keep quiet
and forget about it.
In another scenario, you
just enjoyed a great movie and want to share, when they break the flow of happy
cheer with mundane distractions:
‘Hey, let’s go to my mom’s,”
or ‘I think I am going to run a quick errand-be right back;’ even worse, they
pick a fight over something inconsequential right in the middle of your story.
Your joy and happiness were once again interrupted. Years may pass before you
feel the impact. You are alone in your own world, there is no room for you
in the narcissist’s world. After endless pointless conversations in which
you attempted to make your concerns known to your narcissist, you accept the
fact they do not live on the same planet with you.
The sudden realization
that your narcissist does not ‘hear’ you or ‘see’ you, is like an abandonment,
even a death. The person you loved with all your heart, and whom you sacrificed
much of your own happiness for their comfort, as Brett Butler said to Scarlet
O’Hara, does not “Give a Damn.” It is over. The illusion is broken, and the
‘relationship’ you thought you had, never truly was a true ‘relationship’
between two present and participating adults. It was a ‘relationship’ of One.
The mind is an amazing
tool that adapts to the circumstances it functions in; therefore, cognitive
distortions put in place, begin to crumble. An earthquake takes place, and your
world is turned into a shambles, as the brain and heart experiences a total
reorganization-as everything that ‘was,’ is no more.
You are truly Alone.
Sara
Niles
Saturday, February 18, 2023
The NARCISSIST You Married Wore a Mask
Narcissists are everywhere, because they have always been everywhere, we just did not know them for what they truly were behind the masks-in the shadows lurking.
The secretive self of the typical narcissist is an unbridled ID without a fully developed EGO and an Warped Super-Ego; but most are very intelligent people who know how to hide in plain sight.
You can Marry a Narcissist and live with them for fifteen years before you understand the dark enigma. Fifteen years of wondering if you were 'crazy' because he, or SHE, will make you think that you have lost your mind. The take the truth and make it a lie, and the lie becomes truth. Gaslighting is their second language and they are fluent in it; if you say 'Blue' they swear you said 'Red', and will argue and deflect until you give in and swear you are becoming forgetful and absent minded; after all, there will be no peace unless they are right.
But there are the Good Days when this human in hiding is charming and sweet, loving and 'kind'; but can it really be so, after being cursed and degraded the day before? Or, is is that confounded Love Bombing you just heard about?
You lost yourself years ago, out of a duty to keep the peace and eliminate unnecessary strife, as you found yourself giving up and giving in more and more often. Eventually you wonder where you ended and they began, or even if there is a 'you' left. Everything you do is to please and keep the peace, to absolve, compromise, abstain, suppress and regress. You have stepped yourself all the way backwards as the world passes you by...but The Narcissist has Grown in power over the years until they are drunk with stolen power-YOURS.
Then it happened-the light shone in and you began to see what was hiding in the dark behind the mask all along. The rollercoaster emotional journey of intense love and hate, happiness and cruelty, lies and deceit, took its toll on you until one day your woke up to the fact that the Stranger your married was a Narcissist.
Not just ANY type of Narcissist, but a fully developed Covert Narcissist- a genuine Snake in the Grass. And you thought you had married 'one of the good ones'. The joke was on you.
Saturday, October 29, 2022
The Dangerous CULT of the Malignant Narcissist
Narcissists Have a Love Affair With Power
An
individual narcissist operates within a microsystem or a macrosystem, a small
family or a large organization, even a government, in which power is the ‘drug’
of choice in either sphere.
The reason
narcissists love power is because it is a compensatory tool that enables them
to feed their ego continuously, IF they have an unlimited source of power to
draw from.
The archaic
and dystopian stories in which Vampires are viewed as blood seeking Romantics,
is weirdly applicable to narcissists: they FEED off the power of others, and
when The Narcissist has a big ego and voluminous spaces in which to find ‘Supply’
they Feed Voraciously, sucking the psychic energy from their victims. The irony is The Malignant Narcissist with a supersized
Ego needs a large supply of fuel, but it is never enough, because they are
insatiable. The Narcissistic Fuel Tank is never ‘full’ because their ‘Tank’ has
holes in it. The Narcissist’s Ego is unhealthy and empty, The Narcissistic ‘Self’
is Empty; therefore, the Fake Self, the perpetually Masked Self is not real.
The ‘Fuel’ supplies the fake persona of a sick and selfish individual.
There is more than one type of Narcissist,
but the one most easily recognized loves the public light, the appearance of success and riches and they seek power to keep this image intact, lying and stealing if necessary to secure their spot as ‘King or Queen of the World.’ Malignant Sociopathic Narcissists tend to become greedier and darker as they age, while cultivating a Power Lust. Family bonds, and alliances are viewed as ‘tools’ and they will readily abandon relationships and betray alliances if it benefits them in the short term.
Most
Narcissists live in the ‘moment’ while acting on childish impulses. The intelligence
of individuals is hindered by their ego driven behavior, as they resort to the
ID stage of egocentrism, when they are cornered. The outside appearances may
denote a successful and powerful person in charge of their lives, with planned
strategies in place, yet they make decisions like a child when in stressful
situations. This public narcissist is presented on fully display before the world, yet they manage to assuage the concerns of others with a glib and superficial charm-just like in a microsystem-so in the macrosystem.
In a family
setting, an abusive narcissistic parent or partner, presents the same way as a
derailed CEO having a Temper Tantrum, resorting to outbursts and even violence.
It is puzzling to see a Child-Adult Act out, so most rationalize it as a quirk. People who have witnessed this type
of behavior up close, are perplexed because the person who appears confident
and secure, can suddenly revert to childish bullying behavior. The two behaviors do not belong together, but because people do not understand the behavior, they excuse it as s fluke.
“Sometimes he acts like a little boy
(or girl),” it is often remarked about the Narcissist after a victim witnessed them in a full display of Rage. Anger, Crying, Threats, Breaking Things, Name Calling and Blaming others,
are immature behaviors that are common with children, but inexplicably are the same behaviors seen in narcissists on an extreme scale.
The trigger that precedes these
displays of intemperance and abuse, is usually a feeling of ‘losing control’ of
losing power. Power and Control is the glue that holds the typical narcissist
together like a broken and fragmented vase superglued.
DANGEROUS
The more power a controlling
narcissist commands, the more damage they can wreak upon victims. In the case of
a partnership of two, only one victim exists, however, if the narcissist and
his partner have a large family of children, the narcissistic has a small
kingdom and can harm all his subjects. The fit of abuse is harmful to anyone near
a narcissistic person, the closer the relationship, the greater the harm. In the case of rulers, and persons with power over large numbers, the damage can be catastrophic.
VICTIMS
The predatory narcissist uses bait to
attract victims and emotional ‘sugar’ to keep them via ‘Love Bombing’ and
grandiose Future Promising. Lying and discrediting the victims is part of the brainwashing
scheme that is often undetected by those beguiled by the sugar coating. In the
case of the Super Narcissist whose Victims are companies and the citizens of
government, the same methods are used on a grand scale. The ‘Us’ v ‘Them’
method of isolating otherwise reasonable people from their common sense, works
of those suffering from displacement, marginalization, and fear of being left
behind.
Recruitment
The Super Narcissist wants to be
worshipped like a god, to be obeyed without question, to have total control. It
is the ultimate power ‘high’ for a self-absorbed egomaniac. The aging Malignant
Ego desires this like Smeagol desires ‘The Precious’ in Lord of the Rings-so once
in power, they seek MORE power, more followers.
A Cult is a group of people who
irrationally and unconditionally follow an ideology or a person, a Cult Leader.
The abandonment of reason is replaced by a cult-based belief system that
members defend AGAINST all reason. The Brainwashing in complete when members
reach this point of emotionalism. The radicalization of a person occurs when
those beliefs are dangerously extreme.
The first step for the Cult leader is
to stand in the public square and attract the followers to himself by appealing
to THEIR egos and their ISSUES, their hurts, and fears. In the cyber age,
social media is the easiest method for a potential leader to gather his crow.
The Cult Leader seeks the lost and angry
souls to lead, those who have no root within themselves, no established sense
of self, or keen critical thinking skills. The weakest members of society are
picked just like a predator picks prey.
It is the same methods used by Gang
Leaders to claim the loyalty of gang member who are initiated in by oaths of loyalty.
It is the brainwashing of The Masses, gained by Cult Leaders through the ages,
by promising ‘a place to belong’ in a world in which they feel rejected.
The Grandiose Malignant Narcissistic
Leader knows his victims and attracts them like magnet attracts metal. Once a
substantial portion of followers are bound by the silent oath, they follow
blindly without reason. It is at this dangerous juncture in which the followers
of cult leaders commit crimes in the name of their ‘Leader.’ Once the Cult
following is seduced, they are bound and committed to a cause that that they
believe is in their own best interests; unable to see the cause is the selfish
goal of a deranged fake persona.
Never Forget HOW we got to January 6th,
2021. The Grandiose Malignant Narcissist is a Dangerous Leader
Macro-System Narcissist
Ego Driven Power Addicts seek the
greatest power achievable, so if they are talented, intelligent, or amply
supported financially, they often secure and amass large sums of money, and positions
of authority in which they control the lives of thousand of people. In rare
cases, Malignant Narcissists gain control of Governments, creating chaos on
large scale. There has been a lengthy line of evil rulers in the recent past,
as well as current ones whose quest for power has created mayhem and misery for
the masses.
Today in Real Time
There are individual narcissistic
power mongers who seek to destroy American Democracy via ruthless power
grabbing at all costs; and they display the same behaviors on a large scale as
abusive narcissists within a small family. The same dynamic exists among the
micro-narcissist and the macro-narcissist-they want to supply their Egos with a
never-ending steam of Power to compensate for the inner disquiet within themselves.
Micro or Macro, Big or Small, All
Malignant Narcissists are Destructive.
Thursday, September 22, 2022
Toxic Patriarchy Murdered Mahsa Amini
Do Women Matter as Much as Men? Women only had the Vote in America in the 1920's, and gained only a few rights, until the 1970's, even in America the Home of the Free. So, how much worse is it for women in countries such as Iran in 2022?
Sara Niles Author Memoirist
A beautiful young Iranian woman was on a trip to visit family when the Morality Police arrested her and beat her to death for the 'crime' of not properly 'covering her head' via the hijab. The Iranian customs are built upon a patriarchal system in which women were expected to wear hijabs and other customary dress that usually covered women's bodies and heads. The women are subject to male dominated control in all aspects of life, but in 2005, the breadth of control extended to the incorporation of the 'Guidance Patrol' which is comprised of a van load of male police officers and a female fully dressed in traditional garb whose job is to arrest women if too much of her head and hair were visible to the public. The Morality Police were anything BUT moral, to have the audacity to punish women for exercising freedom of style, not modesty, merely style. The laws that justified such an atrocious and violent act was based upon Toxic Power and Control that boils down to abusive behavior by a Culture and its Government established by Males: The Toxic Patriarchy. The Control of Women had reached a new low.
Toxic Control in any arena begins in increments, first it is a suggestion, eventually it becomes law, and once there is a law there is legal justification for punishment for the 'crime' of walking free in the streets with your hair blowing in the wind; a pleasure few Iranian women could enjoy. The Sharia Laws and related religiously based idioms were behind the idea that men should dominate women. Originally, patriarchs were male Protectors of the Family, eventually the power tainted the perception of male power and it became Toxic Control, which reduced women to the status of being victimized by Toxic Patriarchy. The idea of the 'Good Father' was now a Tyranny that targeted women.
In 2022, on September 16, the toxic patriarchal power exerted by the Moral Police created what was called the Iranian 'George Floyd event' when they murdered Mahsa Amini, creating a revolutionary protest in which both men and women cut their hair, and the women publicly burned their hijabs. The act of riot and discord was a loud scream against the morality laws and practices that ended in the deaths of women, girls and men, who dared to challenge the 'morality' laws of a Toxic Patriarchy, which had transformed from protectors to tormentors. Women and girls are being treated as less than animals by their own government as they sent out the tanks and big guns, hordes of police, to reign in the peaceful protesters. Millions took to social media and the internet to publicize what was happening to them, so the government threatened to shut down their internet, so their only portal to the outside world would be closed.
Women and Men are pleading "PLEASE Help Us-they are killing us, shooting us down in the street.. and they are going to shut our internet off", some begging for the United Nations to intervene in their behalf. The killing of Mahsa Amini had created an Iranian Crisis, as revolution grows. The discontent of the masses is growing, because tyrannized people will not stop until they are free.
Women of the World are Humans in every nation, but many nations employ religiously backed customs that are detrimental and demoralizing to women who are treated as though they are dependent children instead of adults with human rights. In 1995, Hilary Rodham Clinton addressed the United Nation's Conference on Women's Rights in Beijing, China, when she stated what has now become internationally famous:
"Women's Rights are Human Rights", a phrase coined first by Women's Advocates a decade earlier and made famous by Clinton. It is a truth that has been erased by the treatment of women as less than human. Women ARE human beings with as much right to fair treatment as any man.
WE are ALL of One Kind-Humankind, or as Daniel De Foe's Moll Flanders said:
"We are all of one being-humankind", WE matter, no matter what gender we are, we are all human.